when vanilla people try to talk about kink

[DowntownAmber]

I didn't mean as in discuss details, but on occasion just saying I am into BDSM (kind of like saying one is gay) would go a long way...rather than trying to make sense by going round and round and never fully making sense.

If you're not going into the physical details, I guess I might need a bit more clarification as to what you feel you cannot say and why? We may be running into a cultural difference or social stigma that I'm missing. If I want to flesh out a philosophical point about myself in relation to BDSM without regaling my listener with details of my last flogging, I simply describe it along the lines of, "I prefer a man to take the lead in the relationship," or, "I enjoy men with a dominant personality, it allows me to let them take the lead and relax into taking care of them."

I am a very honest and open person, so yeah if I think about it I do feel a bit resentful, because there is nothing wrong with what we are doing. And this whole secrecy thing is terribly exhausting....God forbid I should slip and call my boyfriend "sir" in front of others, while they get to call their partners all the different sickly sweet and obnoxious names.

No matter, I know it is not likely to change anytime soon.

I've "slipped" like that before and, sure, there have been some raised eyebrows, but I don't recall any animosity which is good. Perhaps that's why it doesn't bother me. If people seem especially interested, I've always just smiled and said, "well he has to have a name special to him, and 'Sir' is certainly nothing I'd call anyone else!" or something like that. I also use the term playfully and with a smile around folks we know so it doesn't seem odd or forced when they do hear it, an thus it isn't something strange to them or cause for worry.