What does NO mean to you?

[MollysMaster]

Whether you are a Dom or Sub, during play time what does NO mean to you?

Lets say your safe wods is not no or stop (not common anyway) and during your session your sub (or if that's you) says 'no more' or 'no' to what you want to try.

So out of respect you don't continue.

But afterwords you find out that no meant yes.

[blythe spirit]

From what I've been reading, I think the whole purpose of a "safe" word is because a lot of times subs say "no" or "stop" and don't mean it. The Dominant would then only stop when the "safe" word is used. *shrugs

[snowflake]

i think especially being a sub i do say no mostly to the things i don't want to admit i like or want that can make me feel embarrassed.. Or when i want to be a tease ...

If you and your Dom/me have a safe word then that is the only word that should stop play... As it is an agreement you already have...

Acknowledging no when it is not the safe word.. will only make the two of you miss out.... thus making a disappointing situation out of one that could be so good...

Just my opinion

hugs
snowflake

[Polaris]

i think especially being a sub i do say no mostly to the things i don't want to admit i like or want that can make me feel embarrassed.. Or when i want to be a tease ...

Yup, same here. No in my case means mostly "omg, please don't make me admit that I actually like that *gasp*". I acknowledge that no dom can be a mind-reader, although they seem to have a sensor for when you messed up (gah!), so I try to not do the "no" or "stop" thing. Personally, I would expect somebody to stop when I say my safeword (of course!), and I voice it when I'm out of my comfort zone and close to hit a limit.

I think, however, that it's better to stop when you're not sure whether it's still okay and enjoyable or not, especially when you don't know your partner very well. Stopping a scene when it is not necessary certainly is frustrating, but it can also shed some light on misunderstandings that might be out there. And being frustrated is certainly a better feeling than having somebody walk over your limits, or not taking sufficient care of you.

Just my two cents, of course!

[Platonicus]

Well, the first thing “no” would mean to me is that my submissive is in a great deal of trouble because she is not permitted to use the word with me. Seriously though, this previous post does give the very reason why “no” is not used during BDSM play…

From what I've been reading, I think the whole purpose of a "safe" word is because a lot of times subs say "no" or "stop" and don't mean it. The Dominant would then only stop when the "safe" word is used. *shrugs

It is very true that a submissive might in the course of an intense scene, say “no” when actually meant yes. So safe words are used instead along with safe signals to make certain that if things get too intense she really can make known a real desire to stop the action. And of course, in certain role playing scene, to be realistic the submissive would be expected to say “no” again and again as part of the scene. So in conclusion, within a scene, “no” would never mean no unless there were other factors present which caused me to think there really was a problem. Sometimes in very intense play a submissive can actually forget a safe word or even be so incoherent that she is not capable of using it. For that reason it always a Dominants responsibility to know his partner well enough to realize while always carefully observing her/him, when there is a problem and the action needs to stop.

[maidjoanna]

Once I have submited myself The term NO for me cannot be spoken.Ihve by contract agreemment and trust I have commitedmyself to no mercy and must obey all commands or orders or suffer the consequences
with obediance

[TomStraye]

Lets say your safe wods is not no or stop (not common anyway) and during your session your sub (or if that's you) says 'no more' or 'no' to what you want to try.

So out of respect you don't continue.

But afterwords you find out that no meant yes.

No offence but it sounds to me like somebody doesn’t know their submissive as well as they should and that somebody’s submissive has not been properly instructed in the use of safe-words.

For the record, my alpha and puddle don’t have safe-words. They are mine to do with as I please and their only limits are those I impose upon myself as a matter of commonsense.

However, I have and still do allow new ones …. Actually not a ‘stop-type’ safe-word but a Word of Release, allowing them to terminate their enslavement.

Spoken only once, I take it to mean: “Time out required to prevent accidental injury”.

Spoken twice, I take it to mean: ‘Please can we stop and have a serious talk”.

Spoken thrice, I take it to mean: “I’m sorry, please release me from my contract and return me to freedom”.

A variant on the Islamic method of divorce, in other words and it works! It works because the penalty for wilful abuse of their Word of Release (ie: using it to control their submission through time-outs) is dismissal from my service and a return to freedom whether they like it or not.

I have yet to have any abuse it!

[Polaris]

I don't think that there are many (if any!) subs who abuse their safewords. I would never use mine just because I feel uncomfortable or am cranky or whatever. As far as I can go, I will go -- it's in my nature to want to please, and judging from what I read many subs feel very similarly to that. Anyway, just a thought...if your word of release works for you, that's perfect. I just don't think that having a safeword sets the scene for having somebody abuse it -- I apologise if I read this wrong.

And no nos? I guess I am a lucky girl, it's only no buts for me. I'm bad at it, though. I could bite my tongue off every single time, but it just slips out and...yeah well. Nobody's perfect.

[snowflake]

I don't think that there are many (if any!) subs who abuse their safe words. I would never use mine just because I feel uncomfortable or am cranky or whatever. As far as I can go, I will go -- it's in my nature to want to please, and judging from what I read many subs feel very similarly to that. Anyway, just a thought...if your word of release works for you, that's perfect. I just don't think that having a safe word sets the scene for having somebody abuse it -- I apologise if I read this wrong.

And no nos? I guess I am a lucky girl, it's only no buts for me. I'm bad at it, though. I could bite my tongue off every single time, but it just slips out and...yeah well. No body's perfect.

im with you Polaris... I never abuse my safe word that would make me feel inadequate to let the Dom down

and your right on the biting of the tongue my record would be just as bad

winks

hugs
snowflake

[Sir_Russell]

I believe that a good Master rarely has a safe word used. To much trust is put into safewords or maybe it is just me. I have found that if I am not watching and paying attention most slave will find themselves so out of it that they don't feel the pain, just the pleasure. The problem is that no matter how great it felt when happening it hurts a great deal later.

If you don't pay attention this will happen. If she says no I may or may not stop depending on what seems to be happening. I don't think I have ever had a sub use a safe word with me but I have had a few that hurt the next day bad enough to make me humble.

[fallenstar]

i dont really use "no", if i dont want to do something ill tend to stall or just say i dont wanna, that usually doesnt work however *grins*

but, i must say, if i Hear the word "No" being told to be by my Master or Dom... it means stop NOW or if its in response to me cajolling, Stop it and do what he's told me to immediately

.... well theres my take on it..

[Ozme52]

That's absolutely right. LOL

There's a world of difference between a 'no' uttered by a sub (who's been given a safeword) and a 'no' uttered by a dom.

Like homonyms. They may sound the same but they are two totally different words.

[drinkinggirl]

i like being able to say no, although i intend to let whatever happen to me happen, i like my no becoming yes

[His_blizzard]

If I say "No" it is just part of the scene. It in no way means stop. That is why we use Red, Yellow, Green, or my safeword if necessary when I have had too much.
Screaming "No, Stop! I can't take anymore" is just part of the excitement. That is in my BDSM life...mind you. "Peace" ~blizz~

[sidhewolf]

Whether you are a Dom or Sub, during play time what does NO mean to you?

Lets say your safe wods is not no or stop (not common anyway) and during your session your sub (or if that's you) says 'no more' or 'no' to what you want to try.

So out of respect you don't continue.

But afterwords you find out that no meant yes.

*To Me* "No" Means No generally. Especially from my *M*. And a Safe Word is set up to be just that, a Safe word. No is not a Safe Word, imo.

Perhaps make it clear to whomever one is playing, that the word "No" is not considered an acceptable Safe Word, and make sure another is Chosen beforehand?

As a few here have said on this Topic, No means Yes to them. I also Agree in a sense with Sir Russel in that it's important for the Dom/me, Top, or *M*, to be well aware of what is going on with the Submissive or Slave they are playing/sceneing with, to avoid possible serious problems later. Including a Submissive or Slave who won't be playing with you anymore. Of course Playing/Sceneing with PPL one Knows is the best way to avoid these things ime.

Respectfully~SidheWolf

[crazy_grrluk]

No means No.

S1 and I dont have a safeword as such...we are so fine tuned with each other he knows when somthing isnt right.
Evrything is discused 1st and after as well

[Logic1]

For me when the safeword is used, I have gone too far.
If she says the "slow down" word that is just fine and Ill slow down.
2 safewords are better than just one imho.

edit here. No could mean just about anything since it isnt a safeword for me.
my post could just as easily be in the safewords thread though.

[Guest 91108]

Sir_Russell's post sums up how we interact.
If it's something new we will discuss it before hand if I beleive it will push her limits as I know them now.
That is part of what we do .. is push limits her's and mine.
"No" = "yes i want more but can't say it.." -- I love getting that personally.

[naughtylittleme]

It really depends with us. My husband and I share something possibly somewhat unique. He and I have been together long enough that he knows when no means yes and he knows when no means NO. He can tell when I am pleading him to stop because I like it so much or because I really want him to stop. Now as we get into more intense scenes this may have to change but for now we are ok and I haven't really found anything to say NO to yet anyway lol.

Becky

[naughtylittleme]

I should add if hubby says no he generally means no lol and if I push my luck he can get very snippity sometimes others he just needs a bit of convincing. Oh and yes I am pretty sure I am the VERY worst sub in the world I don't like the word No when it rolls out of his mouth and I pout but then again he likes it so I guess maybe it strokes his ego a bit lol.

[Polaris]

I figured that if he says no that's an entirely different story. Apparently there are several mistakes sub can make in such a situation:

- answer with "you mean like really, totally?" while giggling
- continue doing what you are doing while trying to be cute
- continue doing what you are doing while saying "you wouldn't hurt me, would you?"
- continue doing what you are doing full-stop.
- stopping what you are doing and starting the phrase "but...but...BUT MASTER!"
- stopping what you are doing only to pick it up again 3 minutes later because you think he CERTAINLY won't remember

So no, sub no and dom no...that's not even in the same zip-code

[jeanne]

Hmmmm. I've not said "No" yet - simply because I haven't yet been in that place where "No" meant "No" or where "No" meant "oh yes". Eventually we'll find out if I like saying "No" when I mean "oh yes". I hope eventually comes soon.

[fallenstar]

I figured that if he says no that's an entirely different story. Apparently there are several mistakes sub can make in such a situation:

- answer with "you mean like really, totally?" while giggling
- continue doing what you are doing while trying to be cute
- continue doing what you are doing while saying "you wouldn't hurt me, would you?"
- continue doing what you are doing full-stop.
- stopping what you are doing and starting the phrase "but...but...BUT MASTER!"
- stopping what you are doing only to pick it up again 3 minutes later because you think he CERTAINLY won't remember

So no, sub no and dom no...that's not even in the same zip-code

lmao exactly... when "I" say no, and when Master says no..... smh, those are SO different lol

[SandmanII]

Because of my up-bringing, one of the hardest obstacles I've had to overcome in my limited experience as a Dom, is to hear a sub plead no and to trust that she still wants to continue. It goes against the grain for me really, but for me trusting in the safe word is key. If I don't hear the safe word I know that the pleading is part of the fun for subbie.

[Draco]

For me, no means no. For dru, no usualy means 'more please!'

[Logic1]

For me, no means no. For dru, no usualy means 'more please!'

the "please" is the important part of that