...and the outcome is not good. For the past few months I've been trying to figure out why I have such a hard time with men. Why I can't seem to take one seriously and why I'm still alone after so many years of eligibility?

Basically I'm addicted to porn and fantasizing. Because of this, I'm not interested in a vanilla relationship. The men are just too imperfect. I can rewind the parts I like in porn (I like male solo amateur porn). The sounds men make. I can change the setting. Or make them reach their peek over and over again instantly. I can't do that in real life. I can't rewind the parts I like instantly. I can't pause the things I like. I can't suddenly change scenarios and or situation (i.e switch from cops and robbers to naughty school girl and teacher) or bodies (going from flabby to fit) without the mood suffering. So I had looked towards Dominant men. They just gave the impression that they were the know-alls of sexual experiences and thrills. The Daddy's of sexual understanding. That everything they do is perfect. That they know everything about sex and that sex with a Dom was a guaranteed ear-splitting orgasm (or more than 1 for that matter). That 1 minute with a good Dom, 1 word with a good Dom, will have me so excited and at the brink of..(ahem)...peeking.

But I've recently discovered (I'm surprised that it took me this long to notice) that that's not how this lifestyle works. That men may say many things about their abilities but no man has to power to send any woman into a frenzy of ecstasy the way I describe. At least not without years of practice with 1 particular woman. I've been chasing a fairy tale Dom. I've been searching for a Dom that's just like the Doms in the stories I read. A Dom that is Porn-Perfect. A Dom that doesn't exist. So I'm starting to wonder if this lifestyle is for me (and...if I'm destined to be alone).

After all, I got into this lifestyle because I sort of wanted to be forced to experience sex at its best. For a man to make me feel so good within seconds without even trying. To hold me down and make me c*m whether I like it or not. But, now that I know that things aren't like that, what do I do now? I don't want to be alone forever but, now, I'm not really interested in any kind of man. Vanilla's aren't for me. Doms/Masters may not be for me. And the reason is because I discovered porn before I discovered men.

So what else is there for me to do? How can I get porn to stop running my life so that I can take legitimate interest in men again? I've already tried porn addiction sites but all they do is bring you together with other porn addicts to share stories about how badly porn has ruined their lives. I don't need to hear stories. I know what porn is doing to me already. How do I stop it? Porn addict books only try to get the reader to understand why they love porn so much. I already know why! It's freaking perfect! How do I FIX this?

BDSM is highly about sex so I was hoping that there was somebody here who knew what I was going through and could offer me help and/or advice. Advice to help me not expect perfection. Maybe a man? I know a lot of men who are/were addicted to porn expect(ed) women to look a certain way (tall, big tits, long legs, long hair, skinny) because porn has forced in that idea of how women should look. Somehow those men have managed to get over it and love REAL women. I need to tap into that. How do I start desiring REAL men? How can a girl accept JC Penny's once she finds out that the Prada that she's searched desperately for does not exist? (Miuccia gets shot or something).