Quote Originally Posted by bambina View Post
...and the outcome is not good. For the past few months I've been trying to figure out why I have such a hard time with men. Why I can't seem to take one seriously and why I'm still alone after so many years of eligibility?

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But I've recently discovered (I'm surprised that it took me this long to notice) that that's not how this lifestyle works. That men may say many things about their abilities but no man has to power to send any woman into a frenzy of ecstasy the way I describe. At least not without years of practice with 1 particular woman. I've been chasing a fairy tale Dom. I've been searching for a Dom that's just like the Doms in the stories I read. A Dom that is Porn-Perfect. A Dom that doesn't exist. So I'm starting to wonder if this lifestyle is for me (and...if I'm destined to be alone).

After all, I got into this lifestyle because I sort of wanted to be forced to experience sex at its best. For a man to make me feel so good within seconds without even trying. To hold me down and make me c*m whether I like it or not. But, now that I know that things aren't like that, what do I do now? I don't want to be alone forever but, now, I'm not really interested in any kind of man. Vanilla's aren't for me. Doms/Masters may not be for me. And the reason is because I discovered porn before I discovered men.

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BDSM is highly about sex so I was hoping that there was somebody here who knew what I was going through and could offer me help and/or advice. Advice to help me not expect perfection. Maybe a man? I know a lot of men who are/were addicted to porn expect(ed) women to look a certain way (tall, big tits, long legs, long hair, skinny) because porn has forced in that idea of how women should look. Somehow those men have managed to get over it and love REAL women. I need to tap into that. How do I start desiring REAL men? How can a girl accept JC Penny's once she finds out that the Prada that she's searched desperately for does not exist? (Miuccia gets shot or something).

IMHO, I think there are some misconceptions here. Starting at the end, I'd like to suggest that BDSM is NOT highly about sex. It is about control and power exchange. Control of the sub's sexual state is simply the ultimate demonstration of control over the sub.

The expectation that any Dom, merely by virtue of being a Dom, can send any woman (or at least submissive woman), into a frenzy of sexual ecstasy with simply a look or a word is not realistic. Dom/sub is an individual relationship. A sub is sub to the person she has ACCEPTED as her Dom, not to all the Doms in the world. It is mental acceptance of the relationship that leads to physical and sexual gratification, not the other way around.

With the right mental connection, a Dom CAN send a woman into sexual orgasm with a look or a word (and even with a word transmitted by internet). But yes, it does take time to establish and develop that mental rapport.

In summary, I'd suggest that what you need to do is stop trying to find a partner who can transport you to the ultimate Nirvana from day one. Be clear (to yourself and any partner you have), about your expectations, and search for partners who have the POTENTIAL to provide what you seek. Some will fall by the wayside, and over time, your expectations may change also. Your chances of finding the perfect partner for you are no less than, and no greater than, anyone else's.