First Draft Contracts

[kittenfemme]

With a few exceptions, it's been my experience that a submissive writes the first draft of any D/s contract. Only a few of the Dommes (but all of the Doms, interestingly enough) I've served have written the first draft themselves. Then, of course, the draft is passed back and forth. Suggestions are shared. Limits and desires are discussed. Additions are made. Then the precious document is signed and my fate is held in its words for how ever many months it is agreed to last.

I fell out of that habit with my most recent Domme, Ms L. I submitted a few examples to her and she drew up the first contract based on what I sent to her. She based our current contract on the first, with a good deal of rewriting and the inclusion of a lengthy appendix containing many of her preferences I must adhere to.

I've also been authoring the contracts for my submissives. I wrote the draft that I sent to a certain butch bottom (that didn't work out), a sexy redhead (referred to hereafter as ChicaX for the sake of convenience and anonymity), and the last few contract I've had with shellyfemme.

However, I'm currently negotiating contracts with two lovely women... shellyfemme and ChicaX. I've reverted back to having them write the first drafts and I'm glad of it. ChicaX came up with something that was a combination of the first contract I had with her, several she found on the net, and a good deal of her own work. It's beautiful and quite fresh. We've spent the last month revising it and plan to sign it into effect this weekend if all goes well.

shellyfemme is supposedly working on hers. I'm very curious to see what she comes up with. Regardless, I'm very happy I've returned to doing things "old school." I think letting a submissive write the first draft gives them a better grasp on exactly what they're getting into, lends them more power in the initial negotiations (which I think is important, because they're the ones giving the beautiful gift of their submission), and offers a sense of responsibility.

[e.e. norcod]

As usual kittenfemme displays more insight into the process that goes on in the mind in BDSM than legions of Ph.D. Psychologists.
And isn't it amazing how many subs are more frightened by having to lay down the terms and conditions than by being dictated to!

The mind is a wonderful thing.

[Finding_Fantasy]

Sounds like a good way to do things, kittenfemme.

TG and I have no contract though. We have yet to actually see an example of something that we like to kind of base ours on. Having me write it up would be very pointless though because I am very unimaginative when it comes to things like that. My talent is based solely on the unrealistic.

[kittenfemme]

Such flattery e. e. norcord! Thank you in spades. I agree that the scrambling fear... that look of "What do I do NOW?" on the face of a submissive when told they must put in words exactly what they want is exhilirating.

FF, you seem quite bright and witty. I find it very hard to believe you have little talent in applicable things. I've seen the tattoo you had done. I hear you're a very happy mum. That alone draws a great deal of respect from me.

[Finding_Fantasy]

[i]FF, you seem quite bright and witty. I find it very hard to believe you have little talent in applicable things. I've seen the tattoo you had done. I hear you're a very happy mum. That alone draws a great deal of respect from me. [/B]

Thanks a lot, kittenfemme.

I think what the hardest part for me in that regard is that I haven't actually done many activities. I have asked on several occasions of many different submissives and slaves what kinds of things they have in their contract and what sort of things they do for their Master or Mistress.

Most of the answers I get are "I do whatever they ask me to. I live only for my Master/Mistress. His will is my wiill." Thanks but how does that help me? LOL If you are that dedictaed, all the power to you, but I am at a loss as to what kind of things go into a contract.

I have yet to see a contract (mostly I have looked at BDSM sites) that didn't need a serious dose of reality check.

Now, I know that contracts are supposed to be on what the Mistress/Master expects of their submissive/slave, but are is there anything that says what is expected of the dominant? And if so, what happens if the dominant breaks the contract?

That is one of the hardest things TG and I have been trying to overcome. What exactly goes into the contract? I would love to see an actual contract that has worked and so forth, but like I said, all I have seen are the ones on the internet and, like looking for information on immigration, looking for a contract is a waste of time.

[kittenfemme]

See FF! You've much talent! Look how you've analyzed this possible aspect of a D/s relationship. These are all very good points and questions. I'd lot to try and answer or address a few. I agree with you in many ways. Additionally, as with any aspect of BDSM, contracts aren't for everyone.

However... I'm working on a holiday gift for my Mistress. I'll get back to this when I can. You've my word on it.

[kittenfemme]

"I do whatever they ask me to. I live only for my Master/Mistress. His will is my wiill." LOL! That may well be true for some, perhaps many, but it leaves a lot to be desired insofar as specifics are concerned.

Originally posted by Finding_Fantasy I have yet to see a contract (mostly I have looked at BDSM sites) that didn't need a serious dose of reality check.

Chances are, the contract you've viewed are specifically tailored to create someone else's reality. I'm willing to bet that's why they don't seem reasonable. The contracts I've entered are NOT generic things. They've been altered again and again until all parties involved are happy. I suspect, and suggest, that you'd have to do the same thing if ever you entered into one. How else would you make it seem more real to you?

For example, I could not enter into a contract that stated I was to drop EVERYTHING every single time my Dominant called on the phone. I've a life to live. I'm a very independent woman. Instead, I would suggest some sort of system. Perhaps my Dominant could call only twice a month with a certain code phrase that meant I dropped everything and came running. The rest of the time, I have at least a little bit of control over if I'm to put my life on hold.

Originally posted by Finding_Fantasy Now, I know that contracts are supposed to be on what the Mistress/Master expects of their submissive/slave, but are is there anything that says what is expected of the dominant? And if so, what happens if the dominant breaks the contract?

YES! It's been my experience that all parties involved, not just the Dominant, are to provide input. I fell that a contract should exist for mutual enjoyment. No matter if I'm to be the Dominant or submissive, I make sure my needs and wishes are clearly stated.

For instance, I thoroughly enjoy making the life of my Dominant easier. It helps me to feel as if I'm doing something of great importance. So I am sure to include a few words that allow me to obsess over the cleanliness of a Domme's home, to help with her research, to walk her dog, or what not... with the added incentive of certain types of punishment (within clearly stated limits) if I fail to complete my duties.

Some Dominants don't like to do that. They don't like being bound by their contracts, so they leave themselves and their duties out of it. I like to include such things in a contract. At the very least, I'm sure that any Dominant I contract with agrees to explore certain activities that I want to experience.

Originally posted by Finding_Fantasy I would love to see an actual contract that has worked and so forth, but like I said, all I have seen are the ones on the internet and, like looking for information on immigration, looking for a contract is a waste of time.

This contract worked fairly well for Shellyfemme and I. There are a few things I would like to have changed (and will, the next time we enter a contract... which will be soon) but all in all it was a good time. It offered two levels of submission: Collared/ in a scene, and all other times. I wish I'd added at least a third level in between and stated the differences between those levels of responsibility and submission better. It worked because we both put our desires into it, and I'm quite proud of that fact.

Gah. Lunch break is over. Gotta get back to work. I hope this at least begins to answer a few questions for ya FF.

[Jane SC]

HI ,
Lucky I am not due into work until quite late this morning, or I'd be in trouble as I have been reading and writing here for far longer than I meant to.................... LOL

This is another topic close to my heart as I'd love to have a contract with my owner but he won't have one. His reasoning is simple:

"I don't think a contract is necessary" he says, "because if you wanted to walk out on our relationship, you would do so, contract or no contract. Also, if you do not know what I expect of you, I have failed as your owner and dominant and, if you don't do what I want, you are not a good submissive/chattel."

This may sound like harsh pragmatism and, in many ways, I suppose it is. Where there are points that need discussing, for instance safe words or signs, they get discussed which means that he'll listen to my opinion but he is the one who takes the final decision. NO appeal if I don't like what he has decided.

So, much as the idea of a contract appeals to me from a personal viewpoint because I love the romance of it all, it is not something that features in our D/s relationship. Instead we live with one basic fact - Mark owns Jane. Period................

Love Jane

[Finding_Fantasy]

In reading what both kittenfemme and Jane have posted, it seems to me that a contract is great for those short term relationships, as in one that is not permanent.

This may not be true in all cases though.

I guess since TG and I are married and neither of us is going anywhere, there really is no need for a contract. I think I may find a contract too restrictive in a sense for our relationship is constantly changing due one circumstance or another and a contract would be too binding for either ofus.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Another little to the front.