First of all let me say that these are only my thoughts/opinions etc...and by no means do I think everyone should start this way or agree with everything I say.

Okay so you read a story or had an earth shattering cum when your lover held you down or you saw Secretary and decided you need to find out what that means for you.

The first thing you need to know is that BDSM is whatever you need it to be. Barring safety concerns, there is no right or wrong way to practice BDSM. Your level of involvement doesn't matter either. A lot of people-especially in the online community-will toss around words like poser and wannabe if you aren't chained night and day or live your life in a cage or if you actually let your submissive give you advice or decide where you are going to dinner. It's crap. If the only part of BDSM you enjoy is a little bondage and light domination then so be it. If you enjoy having a belly full of piss while locked in a rubber suit so be it. I've said this before: BDSM isn't some class to be passed. It's for your enjoyment.

Since you're reading this you've discovered at least a small part of the online BDSM community. The online community differs from the real life community in a few key ways, but the biggest is the annonymity of the people involved. This is both good and bad. The good part is that we can be free to be ourselves without worrying that grandma is going to find out. The bad part is that you have to be very careful about involving yourself with someone. I have another thread here that talks about the safety of online relationships. I suggest that if you're new you should read it and the two other thread that were linked. There is some real scum out there and you need to be aware of that before you try anything.

If you have dominant leanings a good idea is to find an experienced dominant and pester his/her ass with questions until you're satisfied. Being dominant isn't all about getting what you want-at least not all the time , it's about guiding and giving of yourself so that both parties are happy with the situation. Another good idea is to find an experienced submissive who is willing to teach you. One problem a lot of new doms have is confidence. "I want you to kneel right now. Is that okay?" isn't that odd when a new dom is trying on his/her new role. An experienced submissive might be able to help you get through that part. Remember that your submissive wants to be dominated. Give your sub a safeword and explain that it can be used when he/she doesn't feel comfortable doing things. This will help you not worry so much about the submissive doing something he/she doesn't want to do. Take it slow and remember to have fun.

If you have submissive leanings it's a good idea to talk to other submissives and find out everything you can. It's been my experience that submissives in general are a very supportive group and will do thier best to help out a newbie. If you can find a dominant who is willing to teach you and maybe take you through some basic BDSM without trying to get in your pants. When you do find a dominant partner remember to express yourself. If you don't like something say it up front. If you have a safeword, don't be afraid - or too stubborn - to use it. Doms aren't mind readers and they need your imput so you can both have a good time.

I'll have more later.