So you want to tie someone up.

[usafmedic22]

I suck at cooking! One time I tried boiling hot dogs for dinner, and burnt them, ruined the pot. So I am now learning that you can vaporize water from a bowl of noodles in the microwave. Did you know they go back to hard when you do that?

*sitts in the recliner giggling until her sides hurt...note to self to remind Sir to put the fire department on speed dial...maybe something can be rigged up so that the phone is linked to the microwave and the oven..auto notification to the fire department..*

but wait...he manages popcorn without a fire....alas!! a glimmer of hope!!!

[Ocean_Soul]

I laughed at that one ID. When I boil hot dogs I usually use a fair amount of water. Just thinking of how long it would take for me to boil off that water. DId you forget about them?

Usually when I make a cooking error it's something dramatic. Usually setting something on fire. I think I've set ablaze the kitchen 3 times in the past year. And usually some type of grease, makes sense, really the only easily combustible thing in the kitchen.

[Dorkalicious]

My mom's burned water before, so don't feel bad, ID

I love cooking! So much! Hehe...

I make a killer Cherry Cobbler, and it's so simple it's sad too...

[_ID_]

yea, I forgot about them. I don't feel bad, I just learned that watching a good movie and cooking don't mix well.

I try to avoid cooking as much as I can, as I don't enjoy handling food with my hands. I find it to be worse than being elbow deep in grease on a car or something.

[anonymouse]

The first time I ever used a microwave was to cook a frozen quiche. In those days there weren't any microwave instructions on the quiche box and the oven settings were simply either on or off. So, I decided to zap it for a minute at a time. I checked the pastry after each minute and was surprised it didn't seem to be cooking at all. After several more minutes the egg/quiche started to bubble furiously but still the pastry remained limpid and cold. After being zapped for 30 or so minutes the thing appeared to become radioactive so I abandonned cooking it and made a sandwich instead.

About an hour later the quiche was finally cool enough to handle without wearing oven mits. The pastry hadn't cooked at all but the egg/quiche filling was black and as solid as a brick. Nobody told me that microwaves (apparently) don't work on pastry.

I had a similar experience the first time I tried to fry an egg in a microwave. I stood watching it on the plate through the glass door. For a long while, nothing appeared to be happening. Then, all of a sudden, the yolk of the egg ballooned to an enormous size and quickly exploded like a bomb. It took me about a week to clean the mess it left inside the machine...

As for near-catastrophes, I've discovered that Greek pita bread quickly catches fire in the toaster. You would think I might have learned the first time I had to throw a toaster fireball out into the back yard, but I've done this twice. On another occasion, I left some butter to melt in a pot and promptly forgot about it. I returned to the kitchen just in time to see flames licking the ceiling. Luckily, I had a fire blanket to throw over it.

Just recently I almost burned down the house again. I frequently am confused (and/or careless) about which stove hotplate control heats which element. I turned on what I thought was the back left plate and left it to heat up. When I returned, the back right plate was glowing bright red and a plastic shopping bag right next to it was smoldering. My purse also was close enough on the bench beside it that it also had started to melt. I had to have several ATM/credit cards replaced because they'd become too warped by the heat to use. ~rolls eyes at self~

[Ocean_Soul]

You would think I might have learned the first time I had to throw a toaster fireball out into the back yard, but I've done this twice.

Toaster fireball LMAO. I laughed so hard when I read that. Perfect imagery.

[usafmedic22]

The first time I ever used a microwave was to cook a frozen quiche. In those days there weren't any microwave instructions on the quiche box and the oven settings were simply either on or off. So, I decided to zap it for a minute at a time. I checked the pastry after each minute and was surprised it didn't seem to be cooking at all. After several more minutes the egg/quiche started to bubble furiously but still the pastry remained limpid and cold. After being zapped for 30 or so minutes the thing appeared to become radioactive so I abandonned cooking it and made a sandwich instead.

About an hour later the quiche was finally cool enough to handle without wearing oven mits. The pastry hadn't cooked at all but the egg/quiche filling was black and as solid as a brick. Nobody told me that microwaves (apparently) don't work on pastry.

I had a similar experience the first time I tried to fry an egg in a microwave. I stood watching it on the plate through the glass door. For a long while, nothing appeared to be happening. Then, all of a sudden, the yolk of the egg ballooned to an enormous size and quickly exploded like a bomb. It took me about a week to clean the mess it left inside the machine...

As for near-catastrophes, I've discovered that Greek pita bread quickly catches fire in the toaster. You would think I might have learned the first time I had to throw a toaster fireball out into the back yard, but I've done this twice. On another occasion, I left some butter to melt in a pot and promptly forgot about it. I returned to the kitchen just in time to see flames licking the ceiling. Luckily, I had a fire blanket to throw over it.

Just recently I almost burned down the house again. I frequently am confused (and/or careless) about which stove hotplate control heats which element. I turned on what I thought was the back left plate and left it to heat up. When I returned, the back right plate was glowing bright red and a plastic shopping bag right next to it was smoldering. My purse also was close enough on the bench beside it that it also had started to melt. I had to have several ATM/credit cards replaced because they'd become too warped by the heat to use. ~rolls eyes at self~

Okay...I had recovered from reading Sir's post...and then I read yours!!! Oh my good grief!! I think I've done my ab work for the day laughing at you guys....didn't your mothers ever teach you to cook...oh wait....*starts giggling again* I guess your mom's have to be able to first....

Thank God for pizza and take out I suppose...or yall would starve on your own!

[anonymouse]

didn't your mothers ever teach you to cook...oh wait....*starts giggling again* I guess your mom's have to be able to first....

When my daughter was very young, I gave her a couple of pots and pans to play with on the kitchen floor while I cooked. She soon started to bang them with a wooden spoon and cursed, "Shit! Shit! Shit!" I was mortified and asked what she was doing. Her reply: "I'm grandma cooking". My mother never curses, except when she's cooking, and it's likely a generational thing. LOL

[annie]

When my daughter was very young, I gave her a couple of pots and pans to play with on the kitchen floor while I cooked. She soon started to bang them with a wooden spoon and cursed, "Shit! Shit! Shit!" I was mortified and asked what she was doing. Her reply: "I'm grandma cooking". My mother never curses, except when she's cooking, and it's likely a generational thing. LOL

That is TOO funny.... and yes it must be generational because my earliest memory of my grandmother is a black pot, with burnt brown beans (talk abouts stink!) flying across the back yard with my rather quiet grandmother standing at the back door cussing a blue streak because 1) she burnt the beans again and 2) my grandfather even had the nerve to want her to fix them!

*Watch out! incoming.... *

[anonymouse]

*Watch out! incoming.... *

LOL!

[Rhabbi]

Ok, I popped back in here to see what new thins there are about being tied up and find debates about grammer and lessons in how not to cook. Are we tying this thread up in knots because we are too arrogant to think we need help with knots?

[Ocean_Soul]

Ok, I popped back in here to see what new thins there are about being tied up and find debates about grammer and lessons in how not to cook. Are we tying this thread up in knots because we are too arrogant to think we need help with knots?

No, it's because all relevant material got removed.

So all that's left is filler. The sugary kind.

Oh and whenever I need help with knots and am also feeling to arrogant to say anything I just switch to duct tape.

[tessa]

Oh and whenever I need help with knots and am also feeling to arrogant to say anything I just switch to duct tape.

~giggles~ That was particularly brilliant, Ocean Soul.

So, we've gone from good grammar to cooking catastrophes. And after what Ocean Soul said about duct tape, I wonder if we are headed towards all things hearth and home?

Since you never know what's gonna be happening when you come in, you could get all tied up in knots trying to figure out whats what when you come back.

You know, I thought this thread should be renamed "Tangents", but thinking about the name in place, it actually "ties" in with what I just said. (ha-get it? "tie someone up"..."tied up in knots"..."tie" in)

Anyway...

[Flaming_Redhead]

I am hopelessly domestically challenged. Thank God VoodooMan loves to cook! LMAO I have had the worst time trying to cook beans! At first, I couldn't get them done enough. I discovered from a reliable source that I had put too much water in the crock pot. I then tried to finish them on the stove but ended up boiling all the water out. Yes, the stench is horrible! LOL I've done that 2-3 times. I did it when we had company coming for dinner, so I then had to cook something else. My OCD was giving me hell, let me tell ya! I hurriedly cooked some macaroni and cheese to replace the beans. When I tried to drain the water off the noodles, I spilt them all into the kitchen sink. By this time, I was a nervous wreck because I was running out of ideas for dinner and also running out of things to cook. My ex told me to make the mac and cheese anyway. EWWWWWW Do you know how many germs are in the kitchen sink?!?! I didn't eat any of it....*whistles innocently* I have also been known to serve lasagne that was still frozen in the middle, undercooked chicken, overcooked pork, roast as tough as leather, biscuits that were as pretty as the picture on the White Lily bag but hard as a rock.....

[Ocean_Soul]

A point of interest, the website I gave in the initial post has made it into the BDSM Library forum ad rotation, behindkink.com (which I assume I can now mention due to the fact that it appears on the top of every page with some measure of frequency).

[nk_lion]

The tangent thread comes back, oh how I missed it.

[Rhabbi]

The knotty thread, where will it end up?

[Ocean_Soul]

lol Couldn't resist....

Well, actually I could, I just chose not to.

[tessa]

lol Couldn't resist....

Well, actually I could, I just chose not to.

I am so glad you didn't. Kinda fits right in here. Actually, it is the perfect fit, seeing as we've come full circle. Sorta.

Anyway, another tangent. I went to see "Live Free-Die Hard" today. Ok, if you want to have a thrill ride of a time watching a movie- no thinking, no icky romance crap, just plain out fun- GO SEE THIS MOVIE!!! I happen to like Bruse Willis so that made it even better for me, but even if one doesn't care for him, it's still a hell of a movie.

Sure it's outlandish and far-fetched and the stunts are impossible, but that's the fantasy for you. All about the F-U-N!

Well, my tangent service here is complete.

tessa

[Ocean_Soul]

I am so glad you didn't. Kinda fits right in here. Actually, it is the perfect fit, seeing as we've come full circle. Sorta.

I was thinking somewhat the same thing.

Anyway, another tangent. I went to see "Live Free-Die Hard" today.

Now you're just being silly.

[tessa]

Now you're just being silly.

And that's what's sooooooooooo perfect about it all. Sometimes, you just gotta have some silly.

[Ocean_Soul]

And that's what's sooooooooooo perfect about it all. Sometimes, you just gotta have some silly.

Oh that's so true, especially with me. I am known to be rather silly at times. It's a good offset to the times when I'm so serious it causes people's heads to explode. lol.

[gagged_Louise]

And on another tangent, the title of Die Hard with a Vengeance in german was Stirb Langsam - Jetzt Erst Recht! ("Die slowly - now finally right!")

The original film was just Stirb Langsam

[nk_lion]

I want to watch Transformers, everyone but me has gone and watched it.

[tessa]

I want to watch Transformers, everyone but me has gone and watched it.

What's stopping you? And make sure you see Live Free-Die Hard too. You'll be so hyped on action you'll want to ram your fist into something. Just make sure it's not people or brick walls. Not good to ram fists into those.

Well, wait a minute now. I guess that ram/fist/people idea could be seen as a good thing at times. ~wicked smile~

[nk_lion]

Well, wait a minute now. I guess that ram/fist/people idea could be seen as a good thing at times. ~wicked smile~

Took me three reads to figure that one out. You tessa posses one dirty mind

[Ocean_Soul]

Took me three reads to figure that one out. You tessa posses one dirty mind

It took me about a thousandth of a second to figure it out... I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. lol.

Regardless, it probably says something about me.

[tessa]

Took me three reads to figure that one out. You tessa posses one dirty mind

And you, NK, are developing one. I hope you enjoy yours as much as I enjoy mine.

I am known to be rather silly at times. It's a good offset to the times when I'm so serious it causes people's heads to explode.

Their heads explode or their heads come off? Based on your avatar, I'm wondering.

It took me about a thousandth of a second to figure it out... I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

How could you even think that a dirty mind is a bad thing??? Shame on you! Oh wait...dirty minds don't feel shame. Hmm, now I'm perplexed. And NO! It has nothing to do with the blonde!

And for the record, I am going to see both movies mentioned.

Hey. If you see a blonde girl in the back of the theatre standing up and cheering for Bruce when he knocks the crap out of ninja chick, well, it's not me, but I did that very thing when I went. Enjoy!!

[Ocean_Soul]

And for the record, I am going to see both movies mentioned.

[Dorkalicious]

Okay, back to the tangent thread! Yay!

I've seen both LFoDH and Transformers. Both were AWESOME *does a little cheerleading cheer thing*...Ahem.

I also enjoyed the ninja chick get the shit beat out of her.... Hehe. Oh what I would give to be able to do what she could though.

And yes, Mr. Lion, you should go see both! Lol. Transformers was actually really good. It had it's moments where I just sat there thinking "Wow, I am sooo not 5" but those moments were few and far between...