So you want to tie someone up.

[usafmedic22]

The first time I ever used a microwave was to cook a frozen quiche. In those days there weren't any microwave instructions on the quiche box and the oven settings were simply either on or off. So, I decided to zap it for a minute at a time. I checked the pastry after each minute and was surprised it didn't seem to be cooking at all. After several more minutes the egg/quiche started to bubble furiously but still the pastry remained limpid and cold. After being zapped for 30 or so minutes the thing appeared to become radioactive so I abandonned cooking it and made a sandwich instead.

About an hour later the quiche was finally cool enough to handle without wearing oven mits. The pastry hadn't cooked at all but the egg/quiche filling was black and as solid as a brick. Nobody told me that microwaves (apparently) don't work on pastry.

I had a similar experience the first time I tried to fry an egg in a microwave. I stood watching it on the plate through the glass door. For a long while, nothing appeared to be happening. Then, all of a sudden, the yolk of the egg ballooned to an enormous size and quickly exploded like a bomb. It took me about a week to clean the mess it left inside the machine...

As for near-catastrophes, I've discovered that Greek pita bread quickly catches fire in the toaster. You would think I might have learned the first time I had to throw a toaster fireball out into the back yard, but I've done this twice. On another occasion, I left some butter to melt in a pot and promptly forgot about it. I returned to the kitchen just in time to see flames licking the ceiling. Luckily, I had a fire blanket to throw over it.

Just recently I almost burned down the house again. I frequently am confused (and/or careless) about which stove hotplate control heats which element. I turned on what I thought was the back left plate and left it to heat up. When I returned, the back right plate was glowing bright red and a plastic shopping bag right next to it was smoldering. My purse also was close enough on the bench beside it that it also had started to melt. I had to have several ATM/credit cards replaced because they'd become too warped by the heat to use. ~rolls eyes at self~

Okay...I had recovered from reading Sir's post...and then I read yours!!! Oh my good grief!! I think I've done my ab work for the day laughing at you guys....didn't your mothers ever teach you to cook...oh wait....*starts giggling again* I guess your mom's have to be able to first....

Thank God for pizza and take out I suppose...or yall would starve on your own!

[anonymouse]

didn't your mothers ever teach you to cook...oh wait....*starts giggling again* I guess your mom's have to be able to first....

When my daughter was very young, I gave her a couple of pots and pans to play with on the kitchen floor while I cooked. She soon started to bang them with a wooden spoon and cursed, "Shit! Shit! Shit!" I was mortified and asked what she was doing. Her reply: "I'm grandma cooking". My mother never curses, except when she's cooking, and it's likely a generational thing. LOL

[annie]

When my daughter was very young, I gave her a couple of pots and pans to play with on the kitchen floor while I cooked. She soon started to bang them with a wooden spoon and cursed, "Shit! Shit! Shit!" I was mortified and asked what she was doing. Her reply: "I'm grandma cooking". My mother never curses, except when she's cooking, and it's likely a generational thing. LOL

That is TOO funny.... and yes it must be generational because my earliest memory of my grandmother is a black pot, with burnt brown beans (talk abouts stink!) flying across the back yard with my rather quiet grandmother standing at the back door cussing a blue streak because 1) she burnt the beans again and 2) my grandfather even had the nerve to want her to fix them!

*Watch out! incoming.... *

[anonymouse]

*Watch out! incoming.... *

LOL!