Love

[thir]

One thing I am especially interested in is the connection of BDSM with love. If you have a relationship which is far along the contiinum of PE, can your still be in control if you love your sub/slave? We have had problems discussed here that would seem to say 'no'. Is this true?

There are those who prefer a relationship complete seperated from an everyday life, and also from love because, as they put it, 'love would spoil it'. It would kill the control and the sex. The main things is to control and being controlled, to be allowed to be submissive.

So, what is it with D/s and love? How do you do it? How much do you need to know each other? How much would you need to know about D/s? It it actually better for some not to have love involved?

The topic comes up in relationships where the slave gets the upper hand, or where the dom/mme cannot make themselves be strict or harsh enough (if that be needed) because of love. Perhaps most especially if you find our about this in the middle or a non-bdsm relationship.

Also where the interest is in anonymous scenes, or scenes with many participants.

Any thoughts on this?

[ksst]

Our relationship is based on love first, and D/s (M/s) second. I don't see how it causes a problem. If anything it makes the connection deeper and more meaningful. It is not up to him to be harsh enough to make me be under control. He just has to be dominant and I am wanting to submit already. For us, love does not kill the control or the sex, it enhances it.

I don't know how it would be otherwise, since I don't have the experience, but maybe someone else can comment.

[leo9]

One thing I am especially interested in is the connection of BDSM with love. If you have a relationship which is far along the contiinum of PE, can your still be in control if you love your sub/slave? We have had problems discussed here that would seem to say 'no'. Is this true?
There are those who prefer a relationship complete seperated from an everyday life, and also from love because, as they put it, 'love would spoil it'. It would kill the control and the sex. The main things is to control and being controlled, to be allowed to be submissive.

I knew a Master once who gave away his slave because he had fallen in love with her, and felt he wouldn't be able to dominate her any more.

I can't see it myself: if I love someone who needs and responds to domination, that just gives me a stronger reason to dominate her. But I've seen other personality traits get in the way of D/s - my ex-slave couldn't submit to her husband, even though he was a respected Dom, because he was her husband and something in her background wouldn't let the two mix. So I'm prepared to accept that for some people, love and D/s just can't go together.

[ksst]

I wonder what people think about the following:

I love him/her and I cannot live without him.
Does one follow from another? Is it a sign of love that you cannot live without the loved person?

Yes, I believe I have probably said things like that and have that feeling. It's not literally true, but it FEELS true. Whatever that means.

We love each other and we belong to each other.
Does loving mean that you belong together, and does belonging together mean some sort of mutual ownership?
If not, how can we explain the feelings of betrayal often connected to someone whose partner has fallen out of love with them? Historical? Religious?

How about we love each other and I belong to him? Is that the D/s equivalent?

Eternal love
Does true love mean that you love each other all your life?

It does feel that way. No one can really predict the future, or we wouldn't have so many divorces that started out with "... until death do you part. I do".



Love turned to hate.
Is it really possible that love can turn to hate, in some circumstances? How does that happen?

Yes, it seems almost more common than love turning to "eh" The emotion is still there in strength, but something happened to turn it- betrayals, fights, daily irritations, that kind of thing.

Loving someone means you are more interested in their well being than in your own.
Is this true?

Maybe for some, but not for everyone.

If yes, how do we explain the myriad of expectations we usually have to each other when we form a relationship?

Loving someone means you are as interested in their well being as in your own.
Is this closer to the mark?

Yes, in a good relationship I think that is closer to realistic.

How do we combine love with expecting the loved one to follow your own needs?

Give and take, compromise, and communication.

One thing you did not mention, which I feel is the backbone of a long lasting loving relationship is forgiveness. We all screw up, little things, big things, whatever, and if you don't constantly forgive the other person, the irritations are going to grow until you can't tolerate them any more. Like a burr under the horse's saddle. You have to take the saddle off, fix the problem, but then you have to forgive the horse for squirrelling around on you, maybe throwing you off into the dirt, when it was uncomfortable. Or you'll just be mad all day. And the horse has to forgive you for riding when it was uncomfortable, or the horse will still be mad and throw you off again.


Does love conquer all?
Meaning: if you love each other, you can solve all problems?

Not necessarily. You can't love someone enough to cure cancer. Solving problems takes work, it takes communication, and it takes forgiveness.

[thir]

How do we combine love with expecting the loved one to follow your own needs?

Give and take, compromise, and communication.

Then maybe it is a sign of love that a person is willing to do that?

One thing you did not mention, which I feel is the backbone of a long lasting loving relationship is forgiveness. We all screw up, little things, big things, whatever, and if you don't constantly forgive the other person, the irritations are going to grow until you can't tolerate them any more. Like a burr under the horse's saddle. You have to take the saddle off, fix the problem, but then you have to forgive the horse for squirrelling around on you, maybe throwing you off into the dirt, when it was uncomfortable. Or you'll just be mad all day. And the horse has to forgive you for riding when it was uncomfortable, or the horse will still be mad and throw you off again.

A good point!