More from craven "Domming from the bottom or topping from below"

[harmony]

im really really new at this so i warn people.. you may prefer to ignore this

as far as i know (that is a limited knowledge) in a D/s relationship.. although is the Dom that set the rules.. the sub is the one setting limits.. so wouldn't that be some kind of "domming from the bottom"?


harmony

[craven]

Harmony

Thanks for reading this, not so sure about posting a reply as it keeps my short comings in the pubic eye ( i joke of course) yes you are right to a degree, although every relationship is different, in essence the balance of power remains (this is my opinion by the way) the same as you say the sub sets the limits etc but it is the ratio of that balance that is altered limits are set together, and many Dom(me) s will seek to push these just as subs will test the boundary's set by their masters and mistresses, to say that once set these never change would be flawed, it is a flexible and constantly changing dynamic.

Keep posting, you do make an excellent point, as said in my humble opinion, I agree with you in so much as in surrender their is strength and trust, the sub does not simply capitulate.

[Ozme52]

im really really new at this so i warn people.. you may prefer to ignore this

as far as i know (that is a limited knowledge) in a D/s relationship.. although is the Dom that set the rules.. the sub is the one setting limits.. so wouldn't that be some kind of "domming from the bottom"?


harmony

No hun, not even close. whatever you call it, the existance of limits does not constitute topping. What makes you think the sub's limits are by default tighter than the dom's?

No... topping from the bottom is about who controls how play proceeds once it begins.

Discussing limits, scenes, rules... is about communication and setting expectations. Thereafter, so long as those expectations are being kept, if the dom chooses the when, how, how often, how much, then he is dominating.

If you are telling him during the scene to hit you harder, tie you tighter, when to do this or that, well, that's topping. If you throw a tantrum to change how the scene proceeds, act the brat to modify his behavior, disobey on purpose (outside of a roleplay) to force a punishment, those are acts of topping.

Your limits are valid concerns... so don't give them up if someone suggests having them is topping.