I like kink; am I normal?

[BDSM_Tourguide]

How many of us have heard words associated with what we do, such as "deviant", "abberant", "sick", "perverted", or worse? How many of us have wondered if what we do really is normal?

Well, let me tell you, you're just as normal as anyone else in this lifestyle and I'm here to tell you why.

The key here is the word lifestyle, which mean "A way or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group." Since the BDSM/kink lifestyle is fairly widely-encompassing, our style of living and our values cover a wide range of subjects and ways of thinking.

By definition, that pretty much makes us normal. Normal, meaning "Conforming to or consisting of a pattern, process, or standard regarded as usual or typical".

So, if you look at this by definition, those of us involved in or participating in the BDSM lifesatyle are normal to one another. It's the vanillas that are deviants to us. Having normal, sex and not performing sodomy on one another? What's up with that?

Hell, half of all Americans own some kind of kink or fetish item (no kidding, it was on Canadian TV last week), so really a lot of the vanillas are a lot more normal than we might think.

So, don't think of yourself as being odd or different because you're attracted to kink. Just remember, you're as normal as the rest of us.

[Pickety Witch]

Does make you wonder sometimes.

I am a people watcher and it's fun to sit sometimes and just wonder about those walking by me. Are they or aren't they?

[Barton]

I have never considered myself odd...But I'm not so sure about the rest of you!
Barton.

[Pickety Witch]

Now Barton...not nice! lol

[slavelucy]

I have never considered myself odd...But I'm not so sure about the rest of you!
Barton.

....says he with a great big dog as an avatar!

Only kidding Barton!

Good thread TG; the only thing abnormal about the people on here as compared to other people, is that they have the bottle to admit be it to others or even to themselves, how they feel about things rather than bury it...and in that context, hell, i'd happily be abnormal.

sl

[Laila]

Very good thread

I have been through a lot of these questions during the last year... and believe me I'm not yet through.

What I know is, I never believed in conformity. Even though most of societies believes etc. are fine with me. And really a bit of tying up or light spanking is I think not so much of a taboo anymore - at least around here. *shrugs*
Maybe one day people will learn to respect and tolerate each other regardless.

[Pickety Witch]

We have had first hand knowledge of the prejudice of the so called "normal" person in the street. My kids, both grown now, are Goths. Peaceful, gentle, pacifists...kind people...who dress differently to the "norm".

They have been spat at...shouted at...and generally abused because of the way they dress.

They are "normal" in the same way as their mum and dad are "normal"...just different.

I look forward to the day that people can accept others for what they are. I think I will be waiting a while though.

[albear]

Amen Witchy-poo.

And the corset looks good with the jeans!

[sweetplymate]

I look forward to the day that people can accept others for what they are. I think I will be waiting a while though.

Unfortunately I agree, in the meantime i do my best on my own part to just try to live and let live...

and i am far from normal but my kink has nothing to do with any of that!

[myri_SN]

i think i am normal and everyone else isn't . anyways who says what is normal and what isn't?

[Jones, Nikka]

Normal is that which does not threaten the ignorant. Francis O'keef

Crazy is fun. Normal is boring. Fiko D. Moktecukzomah

I'd rather die being true to myself than to live kneeling before the altar of normalcy. Aracely K. Zagahyan

[csr]

Normal is that which does not threaten the ignorant. Francis O'keef

--that is a brilliant quote... i'm going to have to remember that!

[tehya]

Normal or not, I was just so happy to find out there were others like myself, to one degree or another.

I think in this day and age, the lines blur more and more on the "normal" and "not so normal" behaviors. Sure there is still stereo typing and discriminations. I wonder if that will ever leave our society.

But I did have the experience of telling a vanilla friend just last week about my true nature and it went fantastic... Although I should add that after telling her, we began to share stories and I have to wonder just how vanilla she really is... LOL

I have grown more and more comfortable in who and what I am. Learning to accept myself has taught me to accept others for their likenesses or differences, too.

Who knew I would be learning more about myself as a person, when I discovered this lifestyle? Not me, but it has been a wonderful surprise and great experience.

Master's tehya

[MrJerseyGuy]

If I'm abnormal...THANK GOD! I spent years as a vice cop in a large US city. I used to laugh watching the little porn shops with all the "normal" people pulling up their collars to hide their faces when they walked in the door.

There is a reason why the sex industry makes billions every year.

And sometimes I wonder if the definition of "normal" shouldn't include the word "repressed".

Just a thought

[csr]

I have a theory.

The internet 'porn' industry is huge--everone I'm sure would agree.

Available online is every kind of kink as well as lots and lots of straight and gay vanilla pornography.

If one were to figure out (and I know this would be impossible) what percentages of each 'flavour' of kink is out there and compare the numbers to the amount of what we could call 'vanilla porn,' could that perhaps give some indication of the percentage of the population that is kink-inclined? I wonder.

The thing is... there will be a percentage of the population who is into D/s... but a number of those are the type of people who will never act on their fantasy, and I believe there will also be a number of those people who don't even know (call it latent kinky inclinations).

BUT... when given free reign to look at what they wish (i.e. the internet in the privacy of their home) we get a truer number, or indication of a number.

For a really obvious example take a really 'out-there' kink...such as bestiality. Say 4.5% of the population is wired to like it... but there is no way that many people will ever even consider acting out... or walking into a shop and buying a movie including it. BUT... give a sample of the population the internet, without consequences... maybe hat same 4.5% or close too it surf sites with that particular kink.

How did I start thinking of all this? Well... walking down the street looking at people everyday and wondering... just HOW not-normal am I?

[BDSM_Tourguide]

just HOW not-normal am I?

I think you're missing the point to this thread. This thread isn't about implying that people that like kink are not normal, it's about implying that people that like kink ARE normal.

I'm also not too sure what knowing the percentages of the population that enjoy vanilla, BDSM or kink has to do with normalcy among people in a kink lifestyle or with an interest in kink.

[slavelucy]

I think you're missing the point to this thread. This thread isn't about implying that people that like kink are not normal, it's about implying that people that like kink ARE normal.

It's funny, cause that wasn't how i read CSR's post at all. The way i took the line 'just how not normal am I?' was in a tongue in cheek way; as a closing line to a post that essentially presented the view that when people use the term 'not normal'...in reality, a great percentage of people have 'abnormal' desires be them acted out, not acted out or even completetely unrealised/latent....which kinda leads one to question whether the very notion of 'normal' has any meaning whatsoever,

Incidentally, i agree with you CSR, if this was indeed roughly the point you were making.

sl

[BDSM_Tourguide]

It's funny, cause that wasn't how i read CSR's post at all. The way i took the line 'just how not normal am I?' was in a tongue in cheek way; as a closing line to a post that essentially presented the view that when people use the term 'not normal'...in reality, a great percentage of people have 'abnormal' desires be them acted out, not acted out or even completetely unrealised/latent....which kinda leads one to question whether the very notion of 'normal' has any meaning whatsoever,

Incidentally, i agree with you CSR, if this was indeed roughly the point you were making.

sl

Ah. That makes a lot more sense then.

[slavelucy]

Ah. That makes a lot more sense then.

Sarky!

[csr]

It's funny, cause that wasn't how i read CSR's post at all. The way i took the line 'just how not normal am I?' was in a tongue in cheek way; as a closing line to a post that essentially presented the view that...

Slavelucy: thanks... that is exactly what I was getting at. I didn't think that was off-topic at all. These were thoughts I have had while watching the general public, wondering how many ppl would be doing exactly what I'm doing, given the chance.

Tongue in cheek? Yeah indeed... and my brand of humour often gets lost in the ascii universe. Actually since I've lived in N. America, this has not been unusual.

I'm also not too sure what knowing the percentages of the population that enjoy vanilla, BDSM or kink has to do with normalcy among people in a kink lifestyle or with an interest in kink.

On the contrary TG... if we were to find out (impossible, of course) that 24% of people were into BDSM... that would make it more "normal" than being gay even.

I wasn't, of course, suggesting we try to work this out... it was just a point to ponder, so to speak. ;-)

[MrJerseyGuy]

I do wonder sometimes how many people would like to play (bdsmwise) but never get the chance. I thought about it for years but would never bring it up because I didn't want to be labeled a "freak". Luckily I met a girl who wasn't afraid to make a subtle suggestion...the next thing you know I'm going nuts with the checkbook buying cuffs and ropes and whips and anything else I could think of. I wonder if she ever regrets bringing it up? No complaints so far. Best relationship I've ever had!

[Dslave]

Tourguide, you brought up some VERY good points. And explained "what is normal" quite well. Better than I had ever heard it explained, I must say.

What I find interesting is that many of the same people that judge (in the vanilla and the BDSM community) seem to ignore one simple and basic fact. It is a fact that thrill and excitement (whether it comes from pain or pleasure) give off the same biological responses. So, our behavior (be it as extreme as it may get) shouldn't really be that shocking. The vanillas ride rollercoasters and go to scary movies, we simply merge our adrenaline rushes and excitement into our sexual experiences. We all need release. Humans aren't built for the mundane. Even the most average persons who have the most mundane lives are constantly searching for an outlet. Their outlet are videogames, sports (extreme sports, even, now), movies, shooting ranges, all sorts of things. Ours outlets just happen to be sexual in nature but the result is very similar. It releases something inside you (the animal, the beast... the natural chemicals for certain) that needs to get the "rush" from the thrill. We all need it. We just go about it different ways.

[vinsint]

I have lost count how many times I consider myself abnormal, and how life may have been simplier if I was simplier.

At least I accept a little bit more of myself now than I did several years ago when I tried to hide it and deny it.