Carpe Coma

Fuck consent.

Yes, that’s right. FUCK consent. Fuck it in the ear. All of you who think ‘consent’ is the difference between d/s and abuse are wrong. People consent to being abused all the time. Just get anyone that works in a shelter a bit tipsy and ask them about the ones that keep going back or read “Prone to Violence” (written by someone who started a women’s shelter in England). Secondly, just because someone doesn’t consent doesn’t make it abusive either. We do things to each other without their consent all the time like kiss, imprison, raise children, initiate conversation, hug, etc.

It’s quite simple; power and consent are inversely related. The more you seek of one, the less the other can be exercised. Every time you have the ability to say no and have it matter, the limit of my control has been reached. “But but, if you don't get my consent first you might do something to me I don’t want!”. Damn straight. I’ve got news for you, that is what comes with actually surrendering yourself to someone else. Does this mean that being dominated means that you’ll be taking a risk? Hell yes. It’s about risks, vulnerability, and being used. When taking risks, when being vulnerable, sometimes things happen you don't want. You place your bets. Sometimes you win and sometimes you take your licks.

In our quest to sanitize and idiot-proof the world, to make BDSM more palatable to the masses, we have accepted a water-downed and processed version of d/s. We have traded safety paranoia and mass marketability for what we claim to desire. It’s a goddamn filet-o-fish compared to freshly caught, cleaned, and broiled salmon. It’s why there are asinine threads on message boards such as “who has more power” and the contortions you see people go through to explain how they are still the ’dominant’ even though they are at the mercy of their submissive’s consent. It is why we see dom-lets posturing by bragging about how many orgasms they give and how much they protect and cherish their submissives. I’m not interested in coddling you or being your overly complex vibrator. You are going to walk on your own two feet, even if I’m sitting on your shoulders. You should be helping me, not just be a drain of my time, energy, and resources. My point of pride should be you, not something I’ve done to you.

So to hell with your scripts and ‘scenes’, with everything nicely laid out and agreed upon in advance, with being so paranoid that we are scared to do the very thing we claim to want to do. If you aren’t ready to put on your big girl panties and play with the adults, if you are going to bawl every time something happens you don’t like, don’t bother me.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to go fishing for some salmon.