Bitter disappointment?
It should be some thing I’ve become long accustomed to, and those that know my past would be able to agree. However, I don’t think anything ever can prepare you for that knife wound to the guts. The feelings as you sit there, watching every one just walk away as you feel your blood slowly draining away…
I was a little gothling once, couldn’t you tell with all that flowery death? As humorous as it seems, I’m dead serious. What makes us do this? What makes us set ourselves up for a fall? Why do we trust the words that come from a name on the screen, a voice on the phone? Why are we all so stupid?
Perhaps this is in bad taste, with the bitter acid still rising in my throat, still so early from my betrayal. But at the same time, I look at all of you and ask every one to take a moment and step back. To close your eyes and think, perhaps there are good reasons, and good experiences to be had here in the vastness of the internet, perhaps its just because I don’t know how to see the light more often then not. But at the same time, I dare all of you to ask yourselves. How many times have you been hurt after you’ve opened yourself to some one online? Twice? Three times? Do the good times outnumber the bad?
Of course, I’m asking some pretty personal questions here, and starting them with an attack on our ‘subculture’, I don’t expect to make any friends with what I’ve said here, rather I’m half expecting juicy flames, or a veiled threat or three. But again, I ask. How many? What makes this life worthwhile?
I sit these days at home and struggle to come onto the library, not because of who I don’t know, or don’t like. But rather because of those of you who I do know, I admit that I’m afraid to come into the library chat and find that every thing changed, that every thing has moved on.
No, I’m not a long time member of the Library, I’ve only been here since mid July, however at the same time I’ve been here long enough to establish a clique or two (if you can really take credit for that) meet many people, watch new trends spring up, and old ones die. So do I have a right to ask these questions? I would like to think so.
So, in final summarization, those of you whom wish to respond. What is the point? What brings you back, knowing that some one could have read your toneless post the wrong way and is just waiting to attack you for it? What brings you back, knowing that the person claiming to be yours doesn’t have six or seven different user names and six or seven different relationships going on at once? Can we ever truly trust another human being?

~ Seri