Why are so many BDSM girls fat and ugly??

[WANDA's_toy]

Originally posted by Neopadinski
I wouldn't consider it turmoil...I thought of it as more "heated debate". Either way, he caused a mass discussion on the topic.

B]I don't see NO discussion ON THE (original) SUBJECT!
Instead I see a fight about WHAT is one allowed to say freely.[/[/B]

C'mon people: You are all into hurting people or getting hurt or dominate someone or submit to someone or humiliate someone or get humiliated by someone...

And you expect that when talking about it this won't occur???

You've gotta be kidding!

For some people it might even be a thrill to play edgy... Who said words can't be edgy?
They sting as bad as any cat'o'nine or single tale, anytime when used probably!

Now this Forum is Cyberspace, right? How can you truly expect those word-man (or women!) not to whip with words? They'll do it, at least once in a while - and its okay... this is the BDSM-LIBRARY-FORUM, forgot???

Now when someone gets hurt, stand up and say so. Any grown up individual will give you sorrow and shelter, and help you overcome your pain and pick you up again. Just like you'd do in a session where something went wrong. (That never happened to YOU? GIVE ME A BREAK, BIG FELLA, LADY WOW!)

So what is wrong asking a question like the original one???

One could raise so many questions:

Supposedly statistics say that people who are drawn into BDSM as adults have been abused as Childs to an above average rate than adults from any other groups not enjoying BDSM as adults.

Now must asking such questions as a thread-starter like "Why is it that people who have been abused in their childhood are drawn into BDSM Lifestyle as adults? automatically drive the community and the moderators into a "You'll be banned if you insult people... hey I know someone who might be insulted by that statement/question ... I'm insulted by that question, take it back!"-mode?

Why not openly discuss the subject, maybe there is something to it for us to reveal!

Talking about the subject and a question that has no definite answer yet, might make us all smarter because while talking we may just come up with an answer!

Fighting about a question of conduct is not getting anybody anywhere!

Stating "and it is still spinning" pissed half of the human race off (all Vatican ruled Christians at least) and therefore was definitely insulting to all who were living their quiet life back in those days. But it was still true and both was very likely: that you'd insult the people as well as the mighty of those days and consequently ended up being tortured by the Spanish Inquisition.
But it was well worth the result: ALL did benefit from the answers that were brought up just because somebody raised that question!

Lets not call each other names but -damn!- allow to raise questions and let the community discuss things that are of interest to them! (Which is most likely the case if someone starts a thread raising such question).

Cutting subjects like this off (just because someone might or is offended) makes the BDSM community no better than those who still call us perverts!

Remember what we tend to tell people who call our activities pervers and sick and all?
Yes, we tell 'em to mind their own business, to look away!
So if there is a thread about something that someone out there just might take as an insult... tell that someone to stay away from that particular thread, look into other threads that are more like it for that someone. There are examples of threads where this works just fine (e.g. the thread on scat - people who feel offended don't read, don't post there)

So, let's not call each other names, let's not fight about codes of conducts (hey, this ain't the Ed Sullivan Show!) lets talk about the subjects instead!

Glad to get comments.

By the way, what was the question?

Wt

[Curtis]

The original question was, "Why are so many BDSM girls fat and ugly??"

If you're serious about wanting an answer to that, I'd have to side with pandemonium. In America, at least, most BDSM girls are fat and ugly because most humans are fat and ugly and all BDSM girls are human.

I really think that this issue is about played out. The thread was started to cause trouble, and Whipit/Manwhore must be laughing his ass off.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
I don't see NO discussion ON THE (original) SUBJECT!
Instead I see a fight about WHAT is one allowed to say freely.

Where do you see a fight about what what one is allowed to say freely?

And before you answer that, head over to the General Talk section and read the updated Code of Conduct.

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
C'mon people: You are all into hurting people or getting hurt or dominate someone or submit to someone or humiliate someone or get humiliated by someone...

And you expect that when talking about it this won't occur???

You've gotta be kidding!

No. I 'm not kidding. I don't want to see people get insulted on these forums. There's a firm difference between humiliation and degradation. Just like there's a difference between BDSM and abuse.

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
For some people it might even be a thrill to play edgy... Who said words can't be edgy?
They sting as bad as any cat'o'nine or single tale, anytime when used probably!

You're right, they can. However, it's how you use your words that indicates the effect they will have. Calling someone fat and ugly or stupid or a big ugly cow is NOT humiliation. It's degradation, pure and simple and that, my friend, is verbal abuse

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
Now this Forum is Cyberspace, right? How can you truly expect those word-man (or women!) not to whip with words? They'll do it, at least once in a while - and its okay... this is the BDSM-LIBRARY-FORUM, forgot???

So? What the heck is that supposed to mean?

Are you trying to say that just because we're online that we don't deserve to be treated and respected like 'normal' people do?

Or are you trying to say that, just because we are members of a BDSM community that we should just expect to be treated like shit and accept it?

Please clarify that statement for me, so I can understand better and not go with my first instinct on this, which is to get really offended.

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
Now when someone gets hurt, stand up and say so. Any grown up individual will give you sorrow and shelter, and help you overcome your pain and pick you up again. Just like you'd do in a session where something went wrong. (That never happened to YOU? GIVE ME A BREAK, BIG FELLA, LADY WOW!)

So what is wrong asking a question like the original one???

What's wrong with it? Well, first off, it's insulting. Secondly, it violates the Code of Conduct. Thirdly, it refers to the members here in a derrogatory sense and insinuates that the women here are not beautiful, each in their own way. There's a big difference between asking why women in BDSM are all fat and ugly and asking why some women in BDSM are overweight or may not take care of themselves. The devil is in the details.

It's not the question that's the issue, it's how the question was raised in the first place. Had it been asked in a manner which was not outright insulting and degrading, then it probably would have been fine for discussion. As it is, it works okay, although a lot of people are put off by the title of the thread.

Try this at home: Walk up to your mistress, look her right in the eye and ask her why she's a fat, ugly sow and see how she reacts. That should give you some indication of what was wrong with the original question. (Not that I'm saying she is, I'm just using this as a hypothetical example.)

Besides, as has been stated before, the person that started this thread has shown up in several different nicknames and always started trouble. He's been banned. It doesn't matter what his name is. His nickname wasn't banned, the person was. There is a difference, contrary to what you might believe.

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
One could raise so many questions:

Supposedly statistics say that people who are drawn into BDSM as adults have been abused as Childs to an above average rate than adults from any other groups not enjoying BDSM as adults.

Statistically speaking, it is true. Many women in the BDSM lifestyle are abused ealier in life. Whether that is the 'cause' of their interest in BDSM or simply just something that shaped their lives is a topic for another discussion

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
Now must asking such questions as a thread-starter like "Why is it that people who have been abused in their childhood are drawn into BDSM Lifestyle as adults? automatically drive the community and the moderators into a "You'll be banned if you insult people... hey I know someone who might be insulted by that statement/question ... I'm insulted by that question, take it back!"-mode?

It doesn't, because that would genuinely interest people as a topic for discussion. In fact, I think I will start that thread when I am done here.

As for being insulting, the CoC is pretty clear on that.

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
Why not openly discuss the subject, maybe there is something to it for us to reveal!

Talking about the subject and a question that has no definite answer yet, might make us all smarter because while talking we may just come up with an answer!

I agree. Let's openly discuss the topic. That's why this thread, and others, are here. So, the subject matter can be discussed.

There's nothing at all wrong with discussion. There's plenty wrong with outright abuse.

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
Fighting about a question of conduct is not getting anybody anywhere!

Who's fighting about questions of conduct?

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
Lets not call each other names but -damn!- allow to raise questions and let the community discuss things that are of interest to them! (Which is most likely the case if someone starts a thread raising such question).

Cutting subjects like this off (just because someone might or is offended) makes the BDSM community no better than those who still call us perverts!

What are you talking about? You did happen to notice that this thread was still in existence, right? it has not been closed or deleted or molested in any way. So, where are you getting these ridiculous and unfounded claims from?

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
Remember what we tend to tell people who call our activities pervers and sick and all?
Yes, we tell 'em to mind their own business, to look away!
So if there is a thread about something that someone out there just might take as an insult... tell that someone to stay away from that particular thread, look into other threads that are more like it for that someone. There are examples of threads where this works just fine (e.g. the thread on scat - people who feel offended don't read, don't post there)

Again... What???

I don't want people to look away from me like I'm some Elephant Man, just because I'm a practicing member of the BDSM lifestyle. Quite the opposite, I want people lookng me right in the eye. I want people asking me questions. I want people understanding that what I do is not abuse, it's not degrading to women and it's not only poracticed by rapists and psychos like people see on cop shows.

At least it's not degrading to women until we, as the staff of this website, allow people to walk in here and start degrading the women of this site. As long as I am here and moderating, it's not going to happen.

And no, I'm not going to tell someone to stay away from a thread that's openly insulting. I'm going to follow the CoC and give the person being insulting a warning and tell him to tone it down. Why? Because there's a huge difference between not finding the topic of conversation to your liking and the topic of conversation being abusive and insulting. Sure, if you don't like the scat thread, don't read it, but if you're a woman and you don't want to be called fat and uguly, then tell a moderator so the person writing the thread can be talked to.

Originally posted by WANDA's_toy
So, let's not call each other names, let's not fight about codes of conducts (hey, this ain't the Ed Sullivan Show!) lets talk about the subjects instead!

Glad to get comments.

That's exactly what we've been trying to do.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
So, why don't you do yourself, the members here and me all a favor and take you immature, no account, probably only 13 year old ass and get it the fuck off this site. Otherwise, if I see you here, posting anymore of this kind of bonehead shit, I'll take personal pleasure in banning you and making all your little-minded posts disappear.

I'd like to openly apologize for having made this statement. It was wrong of me and it was a violation of my own Code of Conduct.

In the future, I will attempt to make my posts a little more level-headed. I'm sure I made this post after only getting three hours sleep. Not that it's an excuse, but my patience might not have been what it should have been.

[Curtis]

Apology accepted.

Now if we could just get alex anderson to apologize for comparing you to Hitler....

[WANDA's_toy]

Originally posted by Curtis
Apology accepted.

Now if we could just get alex anderson to apologize for comparing you to Hitler....

Agree with you on this one, Curtis!

Just feel sorry the thread has been drifting off the subject. I thought it was something to talk about. Plus: I didn't feel it was in particular about the photos in the personal/favorite picture threads nor reduced to pictures on the net.
I felt it meant a wider range. So the answer you gave

If you're serious about wanting an answer to that, I'd have to side with pandemonium. In America, at least, most BDSM girls are fat and ugly because most humans are fat and ugly and all BDSM girls are human.

made me smile...
But who knows, there might be something else to it, yet. That's why I thought ending (what I called) the fight and getting back to the general subject would be useful.

and by the way, I knew what the org question was

Wt

[Curtis]

In an effort to finally drive a stake through the heart of this topic, I offer the following. It's copyright 2002 by Christina Aguilera and used absolutely and totally without permission, so I have no objection if the moderators delete it.

Beautiful

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness,
The pieces gone,
Left the puzzle undone,
Ain't that the way it is?

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, no, no
'Cause you are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down. Oh, no
So don't you bring me down to day

No matter what we do,
No matter what we say,
We're the song inside the tune,
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
The sun will always, always shine
And tomorrow we might awake on the other side

[leo9]

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
What are you talking about? You did happen to notice that this thread was still in existence, right? it has not been closed or deleted or molested in any way.

Oh yes... my favourite piece of online silliness, people who post to say "This forum is censored, nobody is allowed to say anything the moderators don't like, they silence anyone who disagrees with them!" How's that again?

[mmmmmmm]

I realize this thread is dead, but I've just got to say one thing after reading through this thread ...

Finding Fantasy: As a new person to this site, as I've been making my way through the forums in here, what I've observed of you in here, you truly seem to be a beautiful person.

[Finding_Fantasy]

I realize this thread is dead, but I've just got to say one thing after reading through this thread ...

Finding Fantasy: As a new person to this site, as I've been making my way through the forums in here, what I've observed of you in here, you truly seem to be a beautiful person.

Thank you very much for the compliment mmmmmmm (I think that I have the right number of m's in there LOL). The compliment is very much appreciated.

Sorry it took me so long to reply, the daily grind of life has kept me busy. (no perverted comments from the peanut gallery LOL)

[petpleasureyes]

you are very funny. Ha, ha! People are born with the way they look, there's pretty much nothing they can do about it. On the same token, they're also born with the feelings inside them and have to live with their desires. i'm sure many of the people out there who propose that they're either Dom, sub or slave are fakes, but many aren't and they have very little control over their looks. Yes, a person who's overweight can change this by exercise and eating right, but this takes time and effort. i am a male slave and i've been told many times that i'm very good looking. Even so, i've had much trouble finding a Mistress to continue my training as a slave, not because of my looks, but because of the training i'm looking for. i had the luck of having my previous Mistress train me to fuck animals. i've been told many times that it's such a waste that i've been trained the way i have because of my looks. i actually think it was my looks that prompted my former Mistress to do this too me. i underwent this training over a period of 10 year only being allowed to fuck animals during this time. Now, for me, it's hard to see myself as anything else but an animal fucker. Luckily, i think i've finally found that special Mistress to continue training me and am going to visit with Her this May. If things work out, i'll be moving to be Her slave permanently in July or August. But anyway, looks aren't as important as attitude.

[Shaditu]

Why are so many BDSM girls fat and ugly??

Some of them are fat and ugly!

[redEva]

Some of them are fat and ugly!

and your point is ... ?

[petpleasureyes]

So what's the point?

Hey RedEva, like your new pic.

[Shaditu]

and your point is ... ?

nothing, i don't understand where is the problem!

[myri_SN]

Have you ever noticed that many girls into BDSM are fat and quite unattractive???

I beleive many of these women succumb to BDSM as a result of not being able to get any "normal" sex from guys and thus are forced to do BDSM to get attention

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr just to say i dt'tn think i am unattractive, in fact quite a lot of people say i am very attractive, but am not thin. and my size has nothing at all to do with bdsm. it's just the way i feel not the way i look. and it would be very sad if you choose your sexual orientation or however you would cathegorise bdsm as a result of body size. and i think in general a lot of people aren't super models, if into bdsm or not.
P.S. the profile pic is me in case you think i would hide behind the pic i used as avatar.

[Imegnixs_Cinder]

ok before anyone shoots me, please read my whole post here.
I have noticed that many subs and Dom/mes alike in BDSM are overweight.
However I have a theory on this.
BDSM is not based upon looks, in the nilla world people tend to see someone who is good looking and instantly chase after them, it is looks that first attract. Whereas in BDSM the emphasis is far more upon the mental capability of that person, i.e. how much they give as a sub or how strong they are as a Dom/me. In BDSM we tend to talk much much more and get to the know the person underneath the looks, this is ESP true o/l we talk, subs open up and reveal who they really are, their deepest fears and desires are laid out before the Dom/me and in the nilla world we just don't see that as much if at all.
I belive that people are drawn to BDSM as its meant to be a non judgmental lifestyle, so overweight people can be themselves and know that the Dom/me / sub isn't looking at what they look like, but they are looking at who they are inside.
And in case anyone is curious, yes I too am overweight, but I was underweight when I first discovered BDSM.

[csr]

You may have something there. On Sat I was at a craft fair that was exclusively for BDSMers and was thinking about how the atmosphere in the room was so friendly and accepting, even to total strangers--especially since it was an open event and not a munch or a play party at all.

Another thing... that IMHO goes along with this, is that people in the scene tend to be comfortable with their appearance--and I think that makes them even more attractive. You walk into a room like that and see what could be considered large-sized women dressed in sexy, revealing tops and sporting a beautiful smile to match.

My partner and I are both considered "acceptable" weight for our height, but I definitely look underweight--and have always been a little conscious of my skinny arms. I would _definitely_ say that we were in the minority in that room, but once again--it is an accepting crowd, who would no more stare at us than expect that kind of behaviour in return.

THAT, right there...is beauty.


BTW: this thread may have been started by a moron, and looked a little like bickering from time to time, but I read the whole thing and appreciated how much it made me think... about many, many issues. Thank you all.

[Dslave]

I don't know where you are looking but in real life I have met girls of ALL types into BDSM. For instance, if you are looking at Vogue and thinking that most women are a size 0 and that is a reflection of what is a reality in our society you are going to be sadly mistaken because most girls aren't gorgeous or a size 0. And, I think, you are sadly mistaken here. Have you ever gone to a BDSM or PE club? I think you would be pleasantly surprized that many of the women there are NOT fat and ugly. That would be like saying all Doms are fat old guys... yes some are... especially over the internet... but if you go out into the "real world" you will find that BDSMers come in ALL shapes and sizes.

[Canopus]

One of the great difficulties we have in the modern world is body image, and what a good looking body should be.

tehya by modern standards is a larger woman. But, to look at her body measurements she is very close to the proportions of Marylin Monroe, who lets rememeber was a size 16. And to this day, some forty years after her death is considered one of the sexiest women ever captured on film.

Doms and subs only have to remember one thing. Attitude is eveything. The ugliest Dom with the right presence can make the prettiest sub in the world orgasm on the spot.

The least attractive sub in the world can make their Dom's life complete, with just a little smile, or the clouded look of total lust that covers their face.

[CCBlonde]

Have you ever noticed that many girls into BDSM are fat and quite unattractive???

I beleive many of these women succumb to BDSM as a result of not being able to get any "normal" sex from guys and thus are forced to do BDSM to get attention

Quick answer: they are not. Look at the pix at this site. Also, before you cap on us, please post a pix of your toned, broad-shouldered, six-pak-ab self.

[myri_SN]

Quick answer: they are not. Look at the pix at this site. Also, before you cap on us, please post a pix of your toned, broad-shouldered, six-pak-ab self.

applaudssssssssssssssss

[GaryWilcox]

The offending poster bears a strong resemblance to Alfred E. Neuman.

[myri_SN]

The offending poster bears a strong resemblance to Alfred E. Neuman.

no clue who that is

[SirW]

Originally Posted by GaryWilcox
The offending poster bears a strong resemblance to Alfred E. Neuman.

no clue who that is

Whoa kitten!!!!
You are showing your age, or maybe Gary did with that remark. Alfred E. Neuman was and still is I guess, the name and face behind MAD magazine. Actually if you look at him closely and then President Bush (George W) you can see they were from the same test tube. Just kididng


SirW

[SirW]

no clue who (Alfred E. Nueman) is

kitten,

Check out this url (http://www.who2.com/alfredeneuman.html) for a thumb nail on Alfred E. Nueman. Or go on google. Lots there.
I was looking for a picture of him and found this below. I think it is the classic way to picture Alfred E. Neuman.


SirW

[GaryWilcox]

no clue who that is

Sorry 'bout that! I thought the whole world knew that goofy kid. Now you have a visual-- thanks to SirW.

[bug]

i am not fat! i am not ugly! as a matter of fact i am quite the dish, my Master thinks i am damn sexy but i do know what You mean because it's hard to find good bdsm porn on the net that isn't big people, hey, Tthey gotta have fun too don't Tthey? *laffin*

bug

[fetish101]

I hate this thread. I wish it would go away.

[csr]

I hate this thread. I wish it would go away.

You know, I think it's the title that bothers me the most--after a while the thread actually had some good conversations going. Of course people come on the forum, see the title, and react. I wish we could rename it to "What we think of people making sweeping judgments based on weight" or something more descriptive, lol.