Quote Originally Posted by miyu View Post
So i have gotten to dabble lightly in a few things bdsm related, and i am a switch as far as i know, but i think the reason for
this is i am terrified to relinquish 100% control. i am afraid of being hurt, and of being humiliated/thought less of. which makes
me feel much more withdrawn to simply following orders. is there a way for me to get over this fear? how do i just let myself
take a leap of faith and enjoy the ride?

has anyone ever felt this way? what did you do?
I think whether or not you can take the leap of faith may depend on why you have trouble letting go. I believe that these situations may not only be colored by your submissive feelings and the feelings for your Dom partner, they can also be greatly influenced by your past.

I feel this way too, and I know it is to do with my past, having had a childhood and youth where I could trust only one person - me - and where showing weakness would lead to all kinds of trouble. If anger and self-defense and trusting no one is practically hardwired into you, it can be a big job to take off the armor, no matter how good or trustworthy your Dom is, because it is welded on.

If this is your situation, it may be that like me your head is just not set for 'trust', and you have to learn what it means and how to do it. This may not done be by taking a leap, but by dismantling the armor bit by bit. I'd say try to think a bit about why you have trouble with it (more than most people, because I think it is quite natural) and see if you can think of what would make you feel safe, not a 100% in one go maybe, but slowly conquering your instincts.

Another point here may be that I think you cannot be sure of whether or not you are a switch as long as this problem is not dealt with - you'll very like know more further on.. But it is possible that a Dom instinct is there and want to be fed first.

Good luck with it all :-)