Well....a lot of times you will see people make things overly romantic. In that regard bdsm is no different then vanilla. Personally its just a cheesy in real as it is online and I've been guilty of it myself...may just be part of human nature. BDSM is at least a two way street...since you do need at least two people (though more then just two is preferred in some circles. As well as a total reduction in the if its bdsm it has to be all lovey dovy...because it doesn't.