Insert <barely concealed contempt> about here. Barely concealed. For Him, not you.

I teach, in a surprising variety of venues, for a living. I have for a long time. And I am more-or-less really good at it. I guess I've learned that learning is a process that unfolds over time. As a teacher, I can guide and accelerate the process. But that takes patience, understanding of myself and my students, trust on their part and a long-term plan on mine. If any of those pieces are missing, my students learn little or nothing.

Why's that? Because when you learn, you change. You become somebody else. And that's scary. (What to scare the piss out of a high school junior? Tell them that college will completely change them and their world. They'll pee, then run.) And so teaching becomes an exercise in risk management: you need to convince your student that it's okay to try and that it's okay (perhaps even great) to fail. If the situation is too threatening, our reactions are controlled entirely by an ancient and powerful part of the brain, the amygdala, which is responsible for the "fight or flight" reaction. Activate the amygdala and thinking stops, reacting takes over. If the situation represents a manageable threat, our reactions are controlled by a relatively new and wobbly part of the brain, the cerebral cortex, which is responsible for thinking things through and making good choices. If my students trust me and I can construct a series of challenges, each a little greater than the last but each manageable, I can set them on a path that can take them a thousand miles. I ask them to do something new but small, they think about it, try for me, and succeed or fail. If they succeed, I reward them and construct another challenge - one that they suspect they can meet because they've already trusted me and won. If they fail, I console them, get them to talk through what happened, tweak the plan and try again. And, if need be, again. When they finally succeed, they're delighted with themselves and delighted with me and eager for more.

A dom (or husband, wife, boss or teammate) who wants a relationship but who doesn't have the wit or patience to learn about you and to make your success possible is a fool, a bully or both. I have little patience with them and less respect for them.

With respect for you, your willingness to try, and your willingness to be open,

Solis.