Many people struggle with that very situation on both the dom and sub side of things. It's a very tough spot. Over time if these feelings get stronger and persist you may need to have a conversation with your wife, tell her about this and what it means to you, and have a conversation about how you move forward.

Some people are able to come to peace with the idea of having a dominant or submissive online to help with these feelings while maintaining the RL vanilla relationship. Whether that's something that fits within your personal ethical framework is something only you can answer.

All that said there's a lot to be gained through community and fellowship, and a lot of great opportunities for learning and discussion in the online community. I hope you'll find a happy home here and find some of the peace you are looking for.