I appreciate the additional perspectives and feedback. The propensity to run before walking in on-line relationships is a very real thing. My sub and I have talked about that and we're doing our best to keep things in perspective. I think one of the reasons things went sideways is specifically because of the rapid pace at which things suddenly developed.

@ Austeris. Thank you for your feedback. Your observations mean a lot to me. You said the following:

•Frankly it's pretty sketchy that she's married. Different strokes for different folks and all, but what are you looking for from the relationship? Do you want something longterm? If you do, are you willing to wreck a marriage? If so do you think she'd be willing to leave her husband for you? After three weeks? Why?

She is in fact married. But as one would expect, its become a very hollow relationship, a friend-friend, almost father-daughter thing, strange as that may sound. He pursues his relationships, she pursues hers. He still exerts significant control over her though, which lead to some of the initial frustration. Difficult to administer discipline if he's controlling how she does other things. Am I concerned she'll leave her husband for me? I don't think she would, not at this point. She has a daughter in high school and so must be there for her in as stable a home situation as she can manage. And I respect that. I don't know where our relationship will ultimately end up. I know neither of us is in a position to move to be with the other person, so if it turns into a long term relationship, which I want it to, it will remain long distance for the forseeable future.

•Again, she's married. To a guy who used to be her dom. But who now is ok with other people dominating her, while he doesn't but still remains married to her in a relationship where they go out evenings. Really?

Very open relationship. I think at some point he just stopped caring but has no desire of his own to move on. She tells me that she believes that while he doesn't want to own her he enjoys keeping her from having local relationships that go beyond men who will dom her. Now I could be wrong and it could all be pure bullshit. But her communications with me (email, text, video chat) have all been extremely consistent.

•"Training her with local men" sounds incredibly dangerous. If that means what it sounds like then it's begging for trouble. Is her husband going with her to keep her safe? If so then uhhh...that's weird. If not, then why are you comfortable sending your sub out with strangers when you are nowhere that you can provide support?

The "training her with local men" grew out of a couple existing relationships she had with men who were familiar with and her kinks and who she was already comfortable with. That has since ended. Her husband is a police officer and is quite capable of keeping her safe, though she tells me he has never had to come to her rescue. I never was comfortable with it. It did contribute to our intitial falling out. I felt it was a part of our relationship that would provide her with discipline and phyical contact with men she was familiar with during periods where I could not be there. We have both come to the agreement that she doesn't need it/them and so the only men in her life going forward will be me and her husband.


@ Scarlet_85 As usual, your comments are straight forward and very insightful. I'm glad you aren't willing to pull any punches with me. You said:

The whole relationship sounds completely unstable with a lack of commitment and devotion. Please forgive me if I am out of line. It sounds to me that your sub may be confused at this point in her life. It seems like she's allowing herself to be put in detrimental situations for the fulfillment of being submissive.

Until we actually meet, you're correct. The relationship is unstable, and the devotion is not validated. My sub has come out of a very dark period in her life. We have both made it clear to each other that our relationship is hardly on solid ground, that we will have to spend time together, get to know each other before we go far beyond the easy passions and fantasies that can be expressed in an on-line, virtual relationship. She is sooo submissive in her desire to serve others and make them happy that she admits she has put herself in detrimental situations, bad relationships I don't want to be another one of those. I hope that we end up having a wonderful M/s relationship that fulfills our needs.

Much has happened in the last couple weeks. Given her personal life I've suspended any efforts at long-distance disciplining. It just isn't practical and had only lead to frustration. Our efforts have been on getting to know each other better. And it has helped tremendously. And as I said the "local trainers" has also stopped.

We will meet for the first time Monday 6/20 and have two wonderful evenings to spend together. I wish it could be entire days but work does have a tendancy to get in the way.

Thank you again for your feedback and concerns. Slow and steady with grounded conversation is the appropriate approach.