The connection is all well and good -- but that is needed in any partner or longterm realtionship type. A sub isn't necessarily that for me, and a good one is easy for me to describe, harder to recognize:

S/he is a challenge ... has to wrestle within themselves to submit in real life situations, and needs Me to pay attention and challenge him/her in return.

S/he is obedient ... the choice to submit is an action, not words.

S/he is docile and graceful ... though s/he is a challenge, acceptance and submission are achieved quietly, with dignity and respect for self and me.

For me, this is the difference between a good friend/date/mate and a good submissive. Others may, of course, disagree.

hJ