The New-Sub Jitters

[StormKat]

Unfortunately I've found most of society - and unfortunately, myself - tends to think that being submissive equals losing yourself as well as your freedom and such. I was wondering how other subs might have had to deal with the lifestyle change and the change in mindset?

I'd be more concerned about your own opinion than what society thinks. It can take a lot of time, not to mention some blood, sweat & tears, to accept your submissive side once you admit to yourself that it exists. You don't need to share details of your kinky side any more than other people talk openly about their sexual preferences. But at the end of the day, you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror.

Also, being a sub doesn't mean losing yourself or all your freedom. You decide how much you're willing to give/share/compromise/take. However, I want to caution you that submission can be overwhelming, especially the first time or with someone you click with quickly & deeply. You may find yourself wanting to give more - of your time, your attention, your service, your body, etc - than you planned. You may find thoughts of your dominant running rampant through your mind, daydreams & flashbacks, fantasies & hopes.

This phenomenon isn't necessarily bad, of course, or even that different from entering into an exciting new vanilla relationship with a cool guy. But the intensity can surprise you if you're not aware it can happen. It may take extra focus to keep up with your real-life responsibilities - work, school, family, community, etc - because you'll be distracted. As hard as it may be, it's important not to lose sight of the fact that your submission is only part of the whole that is "you".

[PixieStick]

But the intensity can surprise you if you're not aware it can happen. It may take extra focus to keep up with your real-life responsibilities - work, school, family, community, etc - because you'll be distracted. As hard as it may be, it's important not to lose sight of the fact that your submission is only part of the whole that is "you".

This is so true, while not a submissive I was very surprised by the intensity of the D/s dynamic as this is my first experience with it. And did not quite realize that I was hindering other aspects of me by focusing on the dominant part within. Thank you for pointing this out. It's good advice for any one entering this crazy and wonderful world we have, =)

[brwneydgirl]

It may take extra focus to keep up with your real-life responsibilities - work, school, family, community, etc - because you'll be distracted.

Ohhhhh yes you will and you'll wonder what you did with all your free time before...

On a more serious note, it's great that you're a self-starter, honor roll student and able to think and do for yourself. So you're smart, ambitious and self-aware enough to be a little nervous and unsure of this aspect of yourself. Good. You'll be careful. In a nutshell...you're on the right track!

[NiNLover]

Ohhhhh yes you will and you'll wonder what you did with all your free time before...

On a more serious note, it's great that you're a self-starter, honor roll student and able to think and do for yourself. So you're smart, ambitious and self-aware enough to be a little nervous and unsure of this aspect of yourself. Good. You'll be careful. In a nutshell...you're on the right track!

Thank you - I never even thought of it like that, lol. I actually had my first training session with my online Dom last night. . . Was interesting, but exciting and fun. I laughed a bit more than I thought I would. I'm still a tad anxious but not as much as before, now that I know he's not going to be rushing or anything.