again, many thanks to all who have replied. I have seriously considered everything that has been said , both here and in other threads. Thanks especially to Lisaismine as i have now reconsidered how things were coming across to a Dom in a more open light. After also having had a chat with my SO, i have changed my profile and realise now that looking for a Dom as such is not what i really wanted or needed, so no wonder i wasn't happy when that is what i got! Instead i am just here to learn, which i have already done, helping me to clarify exactly what i am looking for. Again thanks to you all. Your advice is invaluable. . . . . Oh and redhead?. . .the SO and i will be looking at that checklist in more detail sometime soon!