If anything I've suggested offends you, just disregard it as the ramblings of a tired (and creatively frustrated) chihuahua.
You didn't offend me at all. How can I be offended when I have sought your advice? I appreciate your words GARYWILCOX.

I would just like to say thank you to all of those who have given advice on this subject.

Well a quick update; I have just accepted that my boyfriend will never be the Master that I need. He will not push me past my limits, and YES that is what I want. I have told him this time and time again, but he stops everytime as soon as I show the least bit of pain. And to answer you GARYWILCOX, I don't use my safeword to make him stop. I have never used my safeword. And I will not unless I feel that my life is in danger. So he stops just from my asking him to stop even though I have begged him not to when I am not under the whip. I have told him that it is just my reaction to pain and that he should just gag me and ignore me. He seems incapable of doing this.

Well I have come to the conclusion that I will just have to push aside these feelings. Nikka, thank you so much for your story, and I have tried to do the same thing with my boyfriend, but he doesn't really want to get that deep into it emotionally. It just doesn't work with him.

And to those of you who think that I am giving up, quite the contrary. I have been trying with him for three years. I started this thread out of desperation.

Being that I cannot push my love aside for him, I will just have to accept that I will not have a full Master/slave relationship at the moment. A little unfulfilling, yes, but my love for him is too strong to put my fulfillment first.

Writing BDSM stories as an outlet will just have to suffice for now.

julise