Originally posted by Cleo671
I think a lot of women (and men) not only find it difficult to express their 'deepest' (maybe dark?) thoughts ... and one can get to know someone over a period of time and find that upon revealing those elements the dynamics might change for the positive or negative in some cases...
I found that before taking the risk of opening that part of my being to scrutiny (and criticism) I had to take a very serious look at my own desires, needs and fantasies and decide if they were really me and wether or not I could live with someone without having them fullfilled.

There are so many considerations in choosing a mate other than bdsm compatibility. We all want perfection but part of being a grown up is to be able to make compromises. The real question was which compromises I could live with. Some of us may get lucky, some may not but we all have to live our own life.

Not much help in your quest, I'm afraid, but at least it will encourage you to remember that you are never alone.