Secretary?

[denuseri]

It never ceases to amaze me again and again at the idea that it must be non-consensual for someone to be a "true" or "real" slave. But as a side bar I believe it would most certianly derail the main topic to discuss it here.

So I corgially invite any and all interested in debate upon such things, to do so in the following thread conserning myths about what does and does not constitute a slave.

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=22818

[Secretside247]

Are you kidding me? Secretary was AWESOME!! I am so glad they made this movie. I really wished they would come out with more movies like this so the world could better understand the lifestyle. Too many people think it is "wrong" or "sick" to actually like pain...I really believe that this is not a sickness, I also believe that there is nothing wrong with people just because they don't enjoy the "normal" lifestyle.
To be honest I wished there was more violence in the movie...(of course this is just me...hehe) I wished he was a little more aggressive and gung-ho! haha
Maybe in the future they will come out with better ones...But I loved it! And thanx for makin it!

[Feohtan]

Hi pholks, I am new to this setup here, and stumbled across the thread on "The Secretary" and felt a strong desire to share. First off it is not unusual to find a girl "hurting" herself, either deliberately, or "accidentally". First thing to look at is that girls are designed to deal with pain. I refer here to childbirth, the female body is definitely designed to deal with an enormous pain factor, and girls will do this repeatedly and willingly. That is not to negate the fact that there are men that are into pain too. Not so much the pain, but the sweet relief brought on by endorphins. It appears to me that there are more women that have had a child or two that fall into the BDSM and spanking and tit-torture very easily and with gusto.
As for topping from the bottom, there are so many schools of thought on it, that one could spend years writing a HUGE compendium on this subject alone. I think that it seems as though there are really three main thoughts on it:
The first is that a submissive/slave should not be trying to get his/her desires filled by manipulating the situation.
The next is that it depends on the "type" of manipulation.
and the third seems to be that if the top is blissfully unaware, then SOMEONE has to take the initiative and get the ball rolling. (as seemed to be the case mostly in "The Secretary")
In my opinion, the concept in "The Secretary" was that the girl found the man she liked enough to want to do things with, once he spanked her for the first time. The idea being that she did not know that there were others that shared this sweet pain, and when she did, her elation moved her to push the envelope, so to speak. He was struggling with the concept that he was a sadist of sorts, and finally when he saw that this fitted into her world perfectly, he was happy to take on the role of having to be the disciplinarian to her "misbehaviour" - really just another form of role playing.
One point that I would like to stress her, is that there seem to be different types of "Dominants/Tops/Masters, and all too often I see the Tops panicking when they see a strong sub/slave. Yewno, the old adage of heat and kitchens, comes to mind here. There are Tops that require an automaton, and in my opinion that gets old within about a week. To truly know your tendencies as a Top, I feel that the should be stressed a bit every so often, instead of it remaining a dull routine that can be performed by a blow-up doll, or the likes thereof. Again, this is merely my opinion, and my referencing here is my upbringing. I come from a continent that is fully D/s from top to bottom - excuse the pun - with the idea that there is only one captain to a ship, and if you don't like the ride you're on, catch another ship, instead of trying desperately to change the course your chosen captain is taking. In "The Secretary" James and Maggie have set their course and it turns out, lived it to the full.

[parasmurf]

i havern't seen this movie but i'm gonna check it out. The only BDSMish movie ive seen is ichi the killer(incredible).

regarding the cutting thing, i used to do it to release stress, or when i was really sad/angry. I don't think it was a pain thing, more of the blood slowly pulsing out was calming.

[leo9]

To be honest I wished there was more violence in the movie...(of course this is just me...hehe) I wished he was a little more aggressive and gung-ho! haha

Fantasy is full of tough confident Doms. What makes this movie important is that it shows both us and vanilla audiences what's actually a common situation, where the sub is the stronger partner, and the Dom needs to be encouraged and helped to play his part.

Important for us in showing real people like this that they are not wrong for not being a rerun of O and Sir Stephen, and important to vanillas for showing that subs are not victims and Doms are not abusers. As Victoria says, the ending leaves the viewer in no possible doubt that her beatings are what she wants and makes sure she gets: probably the most important message that vanillas can take away from it.

[nawteeone]

My first thoughts upon watching the movie were:

-Why was it necessary to make her a "damaged" individual already, were they trying to excuse away her sub inclinations by saying she was already suffering from mental disorders?
-Why did they make him so stunted? I mean, the dom I know has never shown one morsel of regret for the way he is
-Dang! That's IT???? lol

After a few more watches, the movie totally and completely grew on me. I now view her character as being a person who needed to be a sub, but didn't understand that there were options out there that would bring her that release/pleasure/comfort without resorting to marking herself up.

And for him, I simply had never thought about things from the Dom's side. I can imagine that especially in this PC society, boys, then men, have it ingrained in them the "right" way to treat a woman. Beating them with a belt (albeit for mutual pleasure) probably goes against the grain for most men, and even if it's something they like, many probably struggle with being "OK" with it.

As for the "that's it?!?!?" bit; I appreciate the movie more now for showing the journey, or awakening maybe is a better word, in these 2 characters, and the ultimate message in the end that: IT'S OK. It might not be the mainstream, but it works for them, and they are happy.

Now if only I can convince M (coincidentally my boss) that we need to get out of our current relationships and just be together already like these 2 characters, life will be perfect!

[bip0lar]

i liked the film, i really did, mostly because it was close enough to reality--albeit the characters' twisted, darker, more damaged and guilty reality, which, although probably not to the same extent, everybody can relate to. whether it's the feeling of belonging or completion, or the physical gratification, or even the legitimacy it might give, it was basically a not-so-vanilla-love story. what i'm wondering now, though, is what you guys think about watching the film with a vanilla partner. Just to check out his reactions?

[bip0lar]

ah, also, has anybody watched 'Preaching to the Perverted'?

[Dejah Thoris]

ah, also, has anybody watched 'Preaching to the Perverted'?

I've added that to my Netflix queue to give it a shot - I thought I'd mention that Netflix thoughtfully recommended "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" based upon my interest

[tina2008]

"The Secretary" was enjoyable and the training was pretty cool, however, it certainly didn't depict the many diverse aspects of a D/s relationship. As Ozme stated, "it was a start".

[leo9]

ah, also, has anybody watched 'Preaching to the Perverted'?

It's fun, but spoilt because they couldn't make up their minds whether they were making a realistic movie or a fantasy. Most of it is excellently true to life, so the occasional pure fantasy moments - like taking a nude pony out on the public road - are jarring. And the sequence about the Domme's "darkest fantasy" is too thin a joke to be made a major plot point.

And, of course, there's the basic problem of why on earth the Domme falls for this graceless vanilla nerd when she's got more boys and girls than she can use!