years? and barely anything anymore vanilla or otherwise?

maybe he's depressed... like in a clinical sense. If you feel like nothing is happening in the bedroom, regardless of whether it's bdsm or not, maybe you guys wanna see if he's got some of those good ol' brain chemistry issues where his serotonin levels just aren't making the cut.

I'm not sure if you're having trouble getting him to just do things/get him out of the house but it sure sounds like depression to me. I've had a couple friends who were clinically diagnosed with it and I know how they were like when it happened so I'm not completely talking out of my ass here XD