Psychological vs. Physical Domination

[Ozme52]

Psychological, but said in that manner I would perceive it as bullying. The same words said with quiet confidence would melt my knees so that I had no choice but to sink to them.

cariad

Oh have no doubt cari, it was said in a soft whisper, breath tickling the nape of your neck.

[cariad]

Oh have no doubt cari, it was said in a soft whisper, breath tickling the nape of your neck.

gulps........

[Nikita]

On your knees and lower your shoulders and head to the floor.

Grab you ankles. Don't let go no matter what, until I "release" you.

If you do, I'll leave.

Is it physical or psychological?

The man has a way with words, doesn't he Cariad?

[cariad]

The man has a way with words, doesn't he Cariad?

Certainly does - going around saying things like that in here - he could have half the forum on their knees.

[maddie]

Intriguting discussion. Because I tend to prefer bondage and we don't get very heavily into D/s, I don't have much experience to draw from, but I do have one thought:

I think you can do psychological without physical, but I think it's harder to do physical without psychological. It seems to me that it would be hard to physically dominate someone without capturing their mind along the way. But you can mess with somebody's mind without ever laying a finger on the person.

[Tojo]

But you can mess with somebody's mind without ever laying a finger on the person.

Yes that would certainly appear to be the case maddie...


Tojo

[Ozme52]

Certainly does - going around saying things like that in here - he could have half the forum on their knees.

Promises, promises.

The man has a way with words, doesn't he Cariad?

Thanks nikita

[Nikita]

I think you can do psychological without physical, but I think it's harder to do physical without psychological. It seems to me that it would be hard to physically dominate someone without capturing their mind along the way. But you can mess with somebody's mind without ever laying a finger on the person.

Couldn't have said it better, Maddie. In order to enjoy the experience and thrive with the dom, there has to be respect and strong psychological control on the dom's part in order for you to listen and obey. It is at that point that it makes sense to hand over your power.

[Tojo]

Oh nicely put nikita.


Tojo

[Warbaby1943]

I think you can do psychological without physical, but I think it's harder to do physical without psychological. It seems to me that it would be hard to physically dominate someone without capturing their mind along the way. But you can mess with somebody's mind without ever laying a finger on the person.

maddie,

I think this is so true. As a matter of fact I just finished discussing this very subject with someone not more than 5 minutes ago. I didn't state it quite as elegantly as you though.

[fghtz]

If we are talking about love (or maybe just personal feelings - we don't always really love our sex partners) mind is always a determining factor.

When talking about pure domination for example like in a prison or rape - there can be physical only domination.

But whenever we talk about SM there _always_ comes the mind into play.

It starts with the agreement of both partners who is in charge. This is something both partners need to agree on - and that's where all the psychology stuff starts.

You can limit it if you are more into the physical part. But even a normal spanking is a mind game. The submissive willingly (more or less) accepts to be spanked. All the struggling and the begging to stop is just more of that mind game.

Pure domination without an psychological aspect won't be fun. Because it is nothing personal. Ok, there may be people who like just "unpersonal sex" (and our role playing games, aren't really any different from "vanilla sex", except how we do it), but these people are very very rare.

I am so deeply infatuated and held by her inner and outer beauty that I sometimes feel captive in her presence. Yet at the same time I have this incredible need to have her kneel before me, to spank her, to whip her, to tie her up, and have very physical intimacy.

That is what love is about. You admire that person, you would do anything for him/her and still you dominate him/her.

That's one of the greatest mind games in bdsm I guess...

[submissivewife]

That is what love is about. You admire that person, you would do anything for him/her and still you dominate him/her.

That's one of the greatest mind games in bdsm I guess...

Very well put

[Scorpio'sWill2Power]

In order to enjoy the experience and thrive with the dom, there has to be respect and strong psychological control on the dom's part in order for you to listen and obey.

This statement by Nikita is spoken with both knowledge and truth
and that makes it all the more special.

Within the mind is power on all levels.

Countries have fought wars on merely the words and mind set of
an individual or individuals.

Religions are formed and doctrines established.

In the realm of D/s it can either make or break a relationship.

The physical body is in my view only the shell that holds
the truest of treasures which lays within the mind and heart.

Why have the body if you don't have the mind to go along with it?

For myself I prefer to "be in your head", that minute spark of
energy that races along the synapse and triggers in you a
response.

Speaking with somone and never having to say a single word
at times simply because you are "in there".

I would lean slightly toward the psychological.

To fully have the physical and for both to enjoy the benefits of
sharing there is an overwhelming need to have this symbiotic
mix among minds.

[Tojo]

Well put fghtz- & welcome.

Tojo

[Nikita]

For myself I prefer to "be in your head", that minute spark of
energy that races along the synapse and triggers in you a
response.

Speaking with somone and never having to say a single word
at times simply because you are "in there".

Your quote above summarizes the things that make the heart race in a d/s and is a prerequisite to a satisfying relationship.

Welcome fghtz. I'm with subwife on your last two sentences.


Thank you Tojo, Scorpio. I think a blush from me is in order here.

[vistana]

I definitely find it takes both to make a good scene.

I've found that the best combination for me is starting with the psychological, I'm a sucker for words in general, a few growled sentences and I can be totally gone. But in order for me to really his subspace and stay there I need that to be followed up with the physical.
Best scene I ever had started with a two hour drive in which he just talked to me, then followed by a harsh spanking. I had melted completely by the time we stopped driving and didn't really come out of it until the next day.


If I had to pick I'd choose psychological, but I really can't imagine them actually being completely separate entities. They blend into each other and overlap.

And as usual there have been many people saying similar things but far more articulately already in this thread, so I'll just say a general, 'Yeah, what they said!'

[Hime]

Definitely psychological. I'm in a long-distance relationship (although this is the last night of that -- we're moving in together tomorrow!), and some of the kinkiest moments between us have been over the phone. He likes to talk dirty to me when he knows I'm in public -- or worse, with my parents. Somehow, he always knows how to make me very very quiet...

Too much reliance on physical force makes someone seem like they *aren't* really in control, IMHO -- especially when they seem really angry, it's like their emotions are in control of them. To me, that is not as much fun. I like to feel like my s/o is in control and I don't have to worry about anything.