I have made a huge mistake...

[Guera]

I bet all the posters here are right- its all about misconceptions

[SilverMist]

Button hope all is well with you. Seem like you got all the suggestions and things might be working out for you. I wish you the best and

ppr128 i just need to say this. Your Avi is wickedly cool. Freaked me out at first. Heh

[Buttons.the.kitty]

Thank you all again.

We've talked. He is okay with me going to coffee meets and the like as long as my interactions with the group stay on a strictly platonic level. He's not okay with me going to play parties, with or without him - I can understand and respect that. While I am very curious about what goes on at these parties, I can live without finding out.

The question now is when and how we will begin exploring BDSM together. He has absolutely no experience with it, and my experience is limited to three scenes with a guy (Ethan, if any of you remember me talking about him) who was also rather inexperienced.

I know that he is very uncertain about this. He is afraid of losing control of himself and going too far if he takes on a Dominant role. Added to this, a couple days ago a friend of his, who he thought he knew, beat his girlfriend really badly. So now James has that connection in his head, even though he understands that BDSM is not abuse.

Since I am the more experienced one here (as little as that may be), and by far the more confident about it, I feel like I'm going to have to take the lead role in us getting started with this. I'm trying to figure out how to ease him into it without just ending up 'topping from the bottom'. Any ideas?

[ppr128]

IMO, "topping from the bottom" is a myth. All you're really going for is providing a mutually satisfactory experience, and there's nothing wrong with taking it slow. Perhaps if you fill in a checklist for him, and then talk about what you really like or would particularly look forward to trying?

[RogerWilco]

im sure it has been mentioned on the forum someplace but I just wanted to suggest the BDSM checklist. i would post the link but im not allowed yet. google it and it will pop up. could give the 2 of you something to look over and discuss. could help ease some of the tension. good luck!

[ppr128]

Geat minds must think alike; I linked Buttons to the checklist I use last night, so hopefully it will work when they fill it in.

With a little luck, their tastes will overlap perfectly.