Kelly: One thing leaps out at me in this thread and that's your comment about finding it difficult to say 'no'. Using your safeword isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign that things are going too far or that you're no longer able to handle the situation. Just last weekend, I stopped some playtime abruptly when what I should have done is safeword out of it earlier. Fo lack of a better way to say it, I'd lost the groove and was finding myself impatient and irritated by the idea of being ordered around. Because I abruptly stopped what I was doing, got up and walked away, my husband was hurt and concerned and felt like he'd gone too far for too long. If I'd simply safeworded earlier, neither of us would have been in that place.

I think it is absolutely, positively possible to be both a strong-minded, independent woman and a good sub. Like Silke said, it's not a sign of weakness to give up control; in fact, I think it's the ultimate form of control. You say who, when, where, and under what terms you'll give up control. Someone who's weak can't do that.