Hiya kelly,

what an interesting question! I've been struggling with it myself when I first dipped my toes into the lifestyle (which is not as long ago as it sounds here, lol). I had all sorts of doubts - not really because I had bad experiences or was feeling anxious when I started experimenting, but more out of a feeling that I somehow didn't 'fit in'. I had some weird ideal of a D/s dynamic in mind that I could never live up to - and I didn't want it either, but thought that the domly ones might. *rolls eyes* I'm glad that the people I met along the way grounded me on that one...

I agree with Ed that exploring only makes sense with someone you trust completely...only then you can feel free to really share what's going on inside of you, be it something wonderful or something that made you cry or hang your head in shame...and KNOW that your Dom/me still loves you and cares for you no matter what. This has been my punch-in-the-face-lesson personally, lol. I had a horrible day when a task went just wrong, completely - my personal nightmare - I was disappointed, frustrated and had no idea how my Master would react (he wasn't there at the time obviously ). It drove me nuts and I honestly wished I could sink into the floor and never face the world again. But when I talked to him again a bit later the words just welled up and he listened, really listened...and he was still there. *insert surprised expression* He was there and said all the right things, you know? I've never been scared again...maybe nervous, yes...but never in such a state.

Why am I sharing this? Is there a point? I hope so, lol. It's been one of my personal issues that came up during this task and in that close relationship - a fear of not being good enough, that people would leave me when I'm myself and honest about it, a weird belief that people you love never stay. And actually working through this was an eye opener and has changed a lot for me. Know where I'm going with this? Problems like this will show up in such a close thing as D/s is, and it's not necessarily something to avoid but work through together. And if it works...priceless.

If you find someone to experiment with, someone you trust...and at the end of the day (and hopefully in between, too) you feel good, and whole, better than you feel on your own...then follow your heart and stick with it. If you don't feel good, I'd first see whether it's that specific person you play with who doesn't do it for you...talk it over, speak openly about it, see how he reacts. Does he care? Look for ways to deal with this constructively? Appreciate your honesty and openness instead of showing off his hurt ego? Bingo, he might just be the one. If not, I'd go looking for someone else before I'd give up on living my fantasies.

'k, rambled enough myself now...I hope some of this helps. Good luck on your path, kelly.