That this lifestyle is what you wanted?

I know that I have an overwhelming desire to please, as well as fantasies about being dominated.

Yet, when I found someone and started experimenting, I found I was mostly scared. Paranoid. Actually found I was once again developing an intense feeling of dread. Not about anything specific, but more a feeling that everything was going to come crashing down on me, and there would be nothing I could do to stop it.

I know a lot of past events have probably contributed to these fantasies, and how do you know that this is what you want, as opposed to a way for your subconcious to tell you that you have not yet dealt with these things as they should be dealt with?

How do you know whether the fantasies are best kept at that?

How do you work it out without displeasing the person who is trying to train you at the time?

(sorry, i have a tendency to ramble and to dissociate myself from myself when i write, hope this makes sense)