I read some BDSM erotica years ago ( late 80's ) that made me so hot I think it branded my entire being.
A little bit of time passed and I thought wow, I am just having some weird fantasies and it's nothing more. I am not exactly sure at what point I realized that it was not just fantasy but more the biggest part of who I actually am.
I am married to a really nice guy, but he is just not that into sex at all. I went through a long period where I blamed myself for that. Perhaps it was my fault, I wasnt trying hard enough , maybe he did not find my physically attractive. In the process of accepting who I am, I have also found that not everyone has the same sex drive. If I dont wish for myself to be judged, then I cant turn around and judge him because his does not equal mine.
Left alone to try and satisy my sex drive all of my internet searches were BDSM related, and thus I found another website that I joined a few years ago.
I went mostly to look at photos and get my 'jollies' . Recently there have been some changes in my life that leaves me with a whole lot of alone time and thus was spending even more time ...ummm being jolly LOL
Over the years I dont even know how many times I have seen "Seeking Online" threads, ads etc. Never thought that would be for me, how could that be any more satisfactory than my own self play ? That poor guy/gal cant find anyone in real life...then it dawned on me..I was that poor gal who could not find anyone, whose self play was unsatistfying.
I made a simple post in someone else's "searching" thread, about why I had not looked online, and recieved many PM's ....yea not surprising.
Most were obviously BS, some were I believe sincere....but one stood out. He said all the right things to make me not just want to peek out of the closet and think..maybe this has possibilities, but to jump out entirely nakkid . The only words I really want to speak are, here I am sir, yes sir.
I think my posts are nervous chatter more than anything else, when I came out of that closet it was not as if I were just visiting a strange county but another world entirely. One in which I need to learn the cutoms and language because it is THE world in which I have no doubt I belong. It is not mere images fluttering by on my computer monitor, but that is how my online journey has begun.