The Arbitrary Sir

[damyanti]

In most places, except certain parts of US, it is unusual to use such honorifics, so maybe that why it is a bigger deal for some of us.

Also, I am not really comfortable with using the word "earn" as such. I don't think that is fer to dominants. IMO what is required is some recognition between that Dom and sub, having "met" before, friendly kinky acquaintances, friends who are giving a respectful nod to each others roles, or you make a couple...something.
You can be polite to a person you have just met, but can you really respect them as a person? How can you when you don't even know them. Also I think the respect one shows to a store clerk by addressing him as "sir" and that you give to a dominant carry a different meaning and or understanding. Not less in worth, but certainly different.

My reaction to when I see it done in chat...if a sub is throwing "sirs" around to everyone she knows or more often doesn't know I don't take them very seriously because I have the impression they are not interested in a particular Dom as a person, they just want a quick "fast food fix" and all they are interested in is a "role", so they often use "sir" as a one-way competition thing to "out-sub" other subbies.

Occasionally it makes me role my eyes, but that is ok as their communication with anything that isn't labeled male or dom is reduced to bare minimum to none. To each his own, . So in that regard it may even be a useful "signal" (at least in chat), but some doms too find it annoying and a bit awkward/uncomfortable (usually the genuine ones, trolls are always very happy, lol). This is just my impression.

It certainly is a double standard though. How would we react if a dom came to chat and started addressing subs he didn't know (and even those he did) with sub, slave, whore, or even girl...he would probably get banned or at least told off.

When it comes to my own dealings, if he chooses to give me a "label" without so much as a hello=the end. With the rest, it depends on a case by case basis, how we "click" i.e. understand each other and a lot depends on his comportment and what I sense is his agenda...for me there is a big difference between what is acceptable in a first chat and after three months of talking. And in my experience, the best ones wait the "longest" to call you anything other than your name. So what it comes down to is...it is personal (preference).


p.s. Nice thread and a very interesting discussion everyone.

Oh why oh why aren't there any BDSM teenage soap operas......navigating all this would be so much easier, . LOL