Abusive Submissives

[his_girl_l]

This is a lovely ideal - complete openess, honesty, joining as one.....

But while i would never advocate lying to your partner, the reality is that every day we present ourselves differently to different people. We don't lie, they are all aspects of us, we just show different sides in different situations.

i guess it could be viewed as manipulative, but it's how society functions.

The problem only arises if one is deliberately untruthful or neglects to mention something that they know their partner would want to know.

And as time goes on, your partner will see all the "yous", the one you present to your mother, your friends, your co workers, your kids, and get a truly rounded view of you.

But in my opinion it's only natural to present yourself at your best when embarking on a relationship, and there are appropriate times for certain revelations, not neccessarily the first date.

[tessa]

The problem only arises if one is deliberately untruthful or neglects to mention something that they know their partner would want to know.

This is exactly what this is all about. Deliberate acts of omission and untruthfulness.

But in my opinion it's only natural to present yourself at your best when embarking on a relationship, and there are appropriate times for certain revelations, not neccessarily the first date.

The embarking between a Dominant and a submissive is a much different one than what would be had on a vanilla first date. And while revealing all does indeed happen over time in every relationship, if the D/s dynamic is sought from each other, revealing happens sooner and much more openly. Or should. Otherwise, damage can certainly happens.

This is a lovely ideal - complete openess, honesty, joining as one.....

More than just an ideal. Much, much more.

[jeanne]

I think perhaps I wasn't clear enough in the original post. I'm not talking about those little lies we all tell, little things we hide that become obvious over time...

I'm talking about the big ones. The ones that must be revealed so our Dominants know what the heck is going on with us inside. So they can make informed decisions about how to play with us, train us, treat us. The original example still stands. And I still believe it's abusive on the submissives part.

[sidhewolf]

I think perhaps I wasn't clear enough in the original post. I'm not talking about those little lies we all tell, little things we hide that become obvious over time...

I'm talking about the big ones. The ones that must be revealed so our Dominants know what the heck is going on with us inside. So they can make informed decisions about how to play with us, train us, treat us. The original example still stands. And I still believe it's abusive on the submissives part.

I Sooo Agree Jeanne! I've seen and heard about the (as one here put it) "the poor little abusing the Big Bad" waaaaaaaay too many times. Seemingly targeting or Blaming the Dominant, who was not given the Correct information to begin with. And it does come in many forms, not just dishonesty, or lies per se'. It comes in the form of manipulation, Topping from the bottom, not Listening/ignoring, not Communicating Openly and Honestly, setting the Dominant up to fall and/or fail. And Thir's response is a great example of the extreme's this can go to.

I've seen many times a Relationship between Dominant and Submissive fail because of the so called Submissive's actions. Submissive's who set themselves and their Dominant's up, and then cry Abuse of the Dominant as the reason. There are at least as many Poor "Big Bad's" as there are "Poor Little's" out there. And I think it's Wisdom to Realize the Truth of this.

Respectfully~SidheWolf