Lifestyle vs Fantasy...How many play which the most?!?

[darkgame]

More specifically,

How many people here actually live *everyday* a BDSM lifestyle vs playing out a scene on a weekend or every now & then?


This is something I'm quite curious about, obviously...but truely wondering if as many people as i think LIVE the lifestyle, as i think they do...

[Lisais mine]

for us, it's every day. if we lived together- it would be awesome.

[DowntownAmber]

Define "Lifestyle."

When J and I have the opportunity to get together and actually spend an extended amount of time with each other, no, I don't default to wandering around the house in nothing but cuffs and a collar and calling him Master every time I address him. He can certainly ask for that at most any time, but it's a little impractical for us 24/7.

The D/s relationship we share is not the foremost aspect of everything we do, so much as a compliment to our friendship and romantic relationship, and a way to express ourselves on a different and deeper level. Yes, it is a flowing undercurrent all the time, as any passionate exchange between two people is, but we certainly do not live in a constant "scene."

Most days, the vestiges of the lifestyle reveal themselves in mainly subtle and entirely non sexual ways: the second thought I have before saying something snide or disrespectful, the ways I try to consider him (even when he's not here) before making a decision, just the little ways I find myself thinking of him and wishing to please him.

[darkgame]

Thanks Amber...


Yes i probably could have been a little bit more specific in my post. No i didnt really mean walking around in cuffs/bowing to Master everytime he enters the room, infact I'm not sure what exactly i was trying to ask/compare after reading your post

I like your description that "the D/s relationship is more an aspect of everything you both do," compared to one long scene or something.


I suppose I was wondering if you both go vanilla for sometime *for whatever reason* in between private times @ home or what not. Sorry my question is very general, but it DID have some specifics to it, but your post was just too good

[MrDom]

well it not a lifestlye actually for us right now we do mostly long distance. but soon we will
be living together and we will live it the best we can when we can. It diffently is not a fantasy for us.

[DowntownAmber]

Thanks Amber...


Yes i probably could have been a little bit more specific in my post. No i didnt really mean walking around in cuffs/bowing to Master everytime he enters the room, infact I'm not sure what exactly i was trying to ask/compare after reading your post

I like your description that "the D/s relationship is more an aspect of everything you both do," compared to one long scene or something.


I suppose I was wondering if you both go vanilla for sometime *for whatever reason* in between private times @ home or what not. Sorry my question is very general, but it DID have some specifics to it, but your post was just too good

Perhaps you're just trying to put your finger on the difference between "kinky" and "Lifestyle?"

I know my fair share of couples that periodically bust out handcuffs or spank each other a little in the bedroom, but that's all the further they venture out of the vanilla world. They don't talk about their scenes, about subspace, about conducting themselves in any way, shape, or form as a D/s couple etc. etc. outside of their immediate bedroom action.

On the other hand, delving into the psychology of what it is that we do, consciously making submissive or Dominant gestures toward our partner, being aware to the point we actually identify ourselves as a Lifestyle couple; well, that's going a little above and beyond your basic kink I would say.

And now, I will shut up and let other people talk.

[TwistedTails]

"And now, I will shut up and let other people talk."

Why? I think you have it summed up nice and neat in only two posts.

[DowntownAmber]

"And now, I will shut up and let other people talk."

Why? I think you have it summed up nice and neat in only two posts.

Well, I guess I killed another thread...lol

[jeanne]

More specifically,

How many people here actually live *everyday* a BDSM lifestyle vs playing out a scene on a weekend or every now & then?


This is something I'm quite curious about, obviously...but truely wondering if as many people as i think LIVE the lifestyle, as i think they do...

There's such a spectrum.

My primary relationship is long-distance, so when we're together (12 days! Yay!) I do mostly wander around naked in cuffs. It's His preference and my pleasure. We cram a lot into the days we're together and the D/s dynamic is prevalent. We also don't 'play' online in between visits, so the friendship aspect of our relationship is very strong.

It works really well for us, and enables us to be both good friends and very deeply D/s.

[Pearlgem]

I only get to be with my Master a very few times in the year. They're for intensive play - we have to use our precious time appropriately. But I can never think of him as not 'my Master' even when we're having the most vanilla of conversations on line or on the phone. My conversations won't be littered with 'Sir's or 'Master's then, but as Amber pointed out, there is always that undercurrent of behaviour and respect that I naturally adhere to because of who he is to me and who I am to him. He can notch it up any time he likes and I'll respond. So my days are not filled with his physical presence but I always feel like I belong to him.
If we were together 24/7 we'd be able to play more, of course, but a lot of our life would go on the same way, I'd bet. You get on with vanilla concerns mostly but there is always a certain decorum expected of me and I would be there to complement his D/s desires at his whim.

[jeanne]

...but there is always a certain decorum expected of me and I would be there to complement his D/s desires at his whim.

Exactly. I adhere to that very stringently, yet naturally. I am always always aware that He is my Owner and I am His girl. We just spend the majority of our time online talking about other things - the news, the weather, friends, activities. Mostly sharing thoughts.