You Down With OPP?

[tessa]

While I was dating someone else, they approached me to engage in another threesome. I explained that I was only allowed to play with females, not that I'm bisexual or anything. They, again, seemed to understand. However, whilst topping the female, her husband kept trying to get me to do more. Since I knew the guy I was dating wasn't going to work out, I have to admit that I did a little more than I should have but firmly refused to have intercourse.

What, you ask, does all this have to do with anything? That encounter made me feel uncomfortable because the husband did not respect my boundaries.

You didn't respect your own boundaries. Why did you expect him to?

I later talked to the wife and let her know how I felt. She agreed that I shouldn't ever have to feel pressured or guilty, especially with them because they're my friends. I thought all was well. Then, VodooMan and I got back together. They already know he doesn't share, and they also know how I feel about him. The couple and I were hanging out at a local bar a couple of weekends ago. The wife and I were dancing when the husband came up behind me and began rubbing his crotch against my ass. It was fine...sort of...until I felt his hard-on.

So is it fine for him to rub up against you while you dance in a sexually explicit nature with his wife, just so long as he doesn't get a hard-on?

And yet you wonder why he's not "down with OPP"?

Recently, the wife called to ask if I'd be interested in pole dancing at her husband's birthday party. I was floored.

Why? You've repeatedly put yourself in the position of being seen by them in this "wild and crazy girl" light. In another thread, you said that pole dancing is "exactly like something" you could imagine doing. Why are you expecting them to view you differently when you aren't doing so for yourself?

She kept going on about how sexy I am and what a wild and crazy girl I am, etc. I told her there was no way I could strip because VoodooMan wouldn't like it. She then suggested that maybe I could give her husband and his friend a lap dance instead. I told her that he probably wouldn't like that either. She asked if he would be coming to the party. I kind of got the feeling that she thought as long as he wasn't watching it would be okay.

Try seeing it from their perspective. You've played with them on more than one occasion now. You hang out with them in sexually-rich environments. You present yourself to them as a sexually adventurous being. They need time to un-learn what you've taught them previously. You've just started re-teaching them about you. Be consistent with them in what you want them to now know of you, and give them some time to adjust. It's not easy to just all of the sudden change your thoughts and ideas and beliefs, especially if one is receiving mixed messages.

It's not just them, either. I was trying to shoot some pool at the bar when the guys I was playing with decided to grab my ass. I can't go out on the dance floor without someone humping my leg. I can't go to the dungeon without someone asking me to play. I can't go anywhere or do anything! It doesn't matter if I'm polite or rude. They all want to know where my man is. I've had people on another site approach me even though my profile says I'm under consideration. I'm sick to death of dealing with people who have no respect for me as a person, much less as property.

Your environment is a bar or a BDSM play dungeon or a BDSM hook-up site, where sexual inhibitions go right out the window upon approaching such places, you're there for all intents and purposes without "your man", and you're surprised that others view you in a sexual light?? You, darling woman, are not that naive. Besides, looking for respect in a bar, et all, is like looking for peace in the Middle East...it ain't so easily found.

In the beginning, I didn't mind these little annoyances so much. My sister is of the opinion that it's really none of his business what I do right now and that I don't have to tell him anything. However, the longer I'm with him, this feeling of inappropriateness gets stronger and stronger. I feel like people should respect the fact that I'm "with" someone irregardless of whether or not I have a ring on my finger or a collar on my neck.

Find and do what feels right and true and respectful for you, and others will follow your example. (And not going unattended to bars might help, too. Just a thought.)

Why does this mad pursuit of other people's property continue???

Because it can. Simple as that.