I'm not sure where to start...

[Misschief]

Honestly, it was so long ago. And ironically, the person who was being warned against being with Me, ended up dating Me for two years.. he screwed Me over big time, broke My heart while we were in Italy, messy break-up.. But in the end, 3 or 4 months after I was WAY WAY (happily!) over him.... he came crawling back, hands and knees, tears.. Appologies.. I gave him the one finger salute (the middle one) and didn't even respond to his missives..

It was at this point I finally came to terms with My deviance..

I figured out how to masturbate at 8 years old, in 2nd grade, when we were learning how flowers reproduce.. I thought the diagram on the board looked like what I had between My legs.. So later that night, when I was alone (LOL and many nights thereafter) I began to explore the realm of autoerotic fantasy.. (Funny side note: Considering the fact that I learned from a diagram about flower reproduction, I actually thought for a very short while that I might get Myself preggers!!!)

Anyway, My early fantasies were not something I had ever talked about to ANYone up until this point in My life.. There were two actors in My mind.. A faceless blonde woman and a faceless man with a scraggly grey pony tail.. The St. Andrew's Cross (though at the time I had no f-ing clue what it was called..) was always horizontal, as a table.. The man had the woman bound in the standard St. 'Drew's fashion and he would do all kinds of terrible things to her.. Like mess up her hair, spit in her mouth, rub her lipstick all over her face, mess her make-up, pull on her nipples, rip her clothes... Bite and scratch regardless of her tears.. Very much enjoyed the golden shower fantasy(never scat though).. Everything all the way up to and including penetration.. I couldn't ever picture Myself in these fantasies.. I was too shy and honestly could not fathom ever having sex.. I thought slaves (actual owned slaves before the modern era) were lucky because they could get fucked by their owners 24/7 but wouldn't have to feel guilty about it.. That's what they were for..

Up until I was 20, the only way I could achieve orgasm with a partner was to stimulate Myself while we were going at it.. No-one could do it for Me.. (And it still takes Me at least 45-60 mins..) No-one knew who I really was inside..

After this break-up, I decided My next experience in love was going to be satisfying for Me.. So not knowing anything about anything, I typed "bondage.com" in the address bar of My browser (this was back in 2001 when they let you email other members for free), out of the blue, hoping that the url actually existed.. And it did..

My advice to you is to find all of those dark desires within you.. Get with someone worthy of your trust and attention.. And within the constraints of Safe, Sane, Consentual.. Explore all that which you really are inside.. Seems like you are on the right path so far..

I have yet to tell My partner EVERY of My depraved desires.. Each time we traverse into new (lascivious) territory it brings us closer together..

There's no faking who W/we are here.. And W/we are all so different..