Kudos on an interesting post. I don't agree with you on all points, and I probably don't have the experience you do, but I would like to think in the 2 years I've been into BDSM I've picked up on a few things.

1. I think BDSM and terms like sub slave Master Dom etc are ideas and will never have concrete definition. Like terms like liberty and friendship they will always mean something different to everyone. I think having more solid definitions would be wonderful and helpful, however there is nothing any one person or group can do about it since there are no means of enforcing a particular set of ideas. While I do think a general consensus exists in that a Top/Dom/Master is the do-er and the bottom/slave/sub is subject to that doing, there is a lot of room for interpretation. This is a pain in the butt for anyone trying to learn, it allows for a wide variety of experience. In my opinion variety is good and allows for more people to feel welcome and fit in. The more the merrier and quibbling over terms doesn't change my personal relationship so I live and let live.

2-4. Yup.

5. Like the terms in BDSM collars mean different things to different people and if someone wants to use his/her collar for bondage purposes only that doesn't change my collar's meaning to me. Again, standarization would be helpful but in the end isnt going to change what I or anyone else does. In a world where not all are accepting of this lifestyle, I'm glad that my Master doesn't think any less of me or change our relationship because I'm not wearing a collar or have one permanently attached to me. I love the idea of a collar for all day wear, but to me that can come in the clothes he picks out for me to wear or a ring. Imagine if someone didnt have a neck or was unable to have a traditional collar on, would that change any feelings of respect or devotion? I don't think so.

6. I'm going to try to make my argument without contradicting myself and getting convoluted. Lets say BDSM relationships are all cheese. I'm into cheddar you're into provolone. Its just different types of the same basic thing. Because I call my Top Master and someone else calls there's Pookie doesn't change the dynamic. I think your issue is with those who "play" at BDSM using it only for sexual gratification without an accompanying respect or seriousness with a lifestyle of power exchange. This has to do with the gradual acceptance of alternate sexuality. People are more free to play and experiment. With this I liken it to the gay community, in 1950s the only people that would be in a club making out with a same-sex partner were homosexual and only identify as such since it wasn’t acceptable. Now it’s commonplace to see those who identify as straight engaging in homosexual activities. I don’t think this makes gay people less gay. Therefore I don’t mind others engaging in BDSM related activites and don’t think it cheapens my relationship.

7. Yup

8. Totally agree and awesome wording

9. Yup.

10. I think a dominatrix can get her own needs met and isn’t necessarily a sex object. I think it all depends on what you’re into. Otherwise I need to stew over for awhile.

I apologize for the long post.

Thanks FR for giving me something to do at the Laundromat!