Submissives must sometimes, I reckon, find themselves in situations where submitting is difficult - it may be painful, unsettling, challenging for many reasons - hell, they just might not be in the proper mood. When I am faced with a challenge to my submission (which I often am) that's when I recognise it as the gift it is. If I am disengaged for any reason - self centred, resentful - I find it a barrier to the sort of submission that both
my Master and I need and desire. These attitudes need to be sorted out by lots of talking and negotiation, sometimes by careful punishment.
To my mind, there is a difference between obedience and submission. I strive to be obedient as a good sub, but to me, obedience is the outward show of submission. What my Master and I really strive for is that inner willingness, that body, mind and soul hand over of myself to him, to his will and desires. He knows that sometimes I am being obedient 'only' (and that's good) as I struggle to accept in my mind and heart what is being asked of me, but he cannot make my submission happen; only I can choose to give it. I love and admire my Master so much for understanding this and being the man to unlock this part of me.
When all of me is in total accord with his desires, when I have let my foolish resentments drop, my vanilla uncertainties float away, when I put myself in his hands completely, trust him implicitly - and he has proved himself time and again worthy of such commitment - then there is nothing sweeter for both of us than for me to give myself over to him in total surrender. This takes strength, it is never passive. I willingly, from the bottom of my heart, give him that which he desires above all, and I love him because only he can unwrap my dark gift.