KingSean,

First I would invite you to read my resent post, On being a Dominant which gives my general thoughts on what it means to be a dom. I congratulate you on what I believe you expressed in your post which was a good basic understanding already of what being a dom is not.

I think however, you are seeking more practical information about how to learn the practical means of having a relationship with a submissive and of expressing your dominant nature. To a small degree my answer depends upon whether you intend to be involved in the lifestyle in a real world or online environment. I say small way because many of the principles apply to both.

The very best way to learn is to find a mentor or mentors. For example if you wish to learn to be proficient at flogging, you need to be trained by someone who has those skills. It is quite difficult to master such a technique by reading about it. That is the way I learned to dom, by serving under experienced mentors. However, a good deal of education can be obtained by reading, both what is available in print form and online. I would be happy to recommend some of the more authoritative books on BDSM that I think you would find helpful if you are not aware of them already.

As far as mentors, if you have local BDSM groups, that is a great place to start. Also attending demonstrations at local BDSM conferences and munches would be helpful. Finally, there are some very quality and experienced doms on this site and while I won’t mention names, if you peruse the forums I think you will find those who have posted here that speak with authority and wisdom and you can easily identify them. Most doms are more than happy to assist a novice and help them learn what I personally refer to as our craft.

Good luck and best regards,

J