Ahhh the eternal "where ARE the real people?" question. Sadly, you aren't going to like the answer because it means a lot more work on your part...

Just some ideas to think about & food for thought...

Good partners are hard to find. Period. Look r/l, look o/l, they are just hard to find. Why? Because, generally, the good ones tend to hook up quickly and stay hooked. Why? Because they genuinely know what they want, they treat the relationship with respect, and they seek out what they want in great detail and with patience. Finding the right partner isn't easy--there's absolutely no easy way to find them. You can go to all the munches in the world, you can go onto every single bdsm site online. But the only thing you are going to see is much of the same. What you have to do is LEGWORK.

God, the dreaded word, I know. When people suggest that you should talk to people in chat, or meet people around here, it isn't because this site lives in a vaccum and the only good people are here. No, it's because in order to really find that "good match," you have to do the legwork to sift through potential matches.

You also have to be honest with yourself. What exactly are you looking for? O/l only? A combination? How much interaction would you want with this partner? Just the computer? The phone? Pictures? Cam? How much private information are you willing to divulge? How much time a day are you willing to devote to this relationship? Notice, I haven't even MENTIONED kink yet. Why? Because kink is adaptable for the most part: it's the "real life" factors that tend to make relationships fail (lack of communication, trust, clear boundaries, etc).

Also, what is good for you isn't necessarily good for someone else. What I would look for in a partner would be something different then what you would look for. So it isn't that everyone is out there and is crap--it's that a lot of people just haven't found that "perfect partner" that works for them.

Be realistic. No one is going to fit into every single one of your "parameters" or fit every thing on your wish list... it just isn't going to happen unless lightening strikes. So know which things you are willing to give up or are flexible with, as well as those things that are absolute necessities. And, most of all, be HONEST with yourself about those... sometimes people will close their eyes to potential issues with a partner because "otherwise they are good..." all that this will do is lead to problems down the road.

When you talk to anyone on this site, minus folks that were vanilla married before coming into the lifestyle, you will see a lot of folks who met by chance, or by networking, or just by being patient. But something you will see common to EVERYONE is the following: ask them, "tell me about the others"... the others being their previous partners in lifestyle. And undoubtably, you will be regaled with PLENTY of stories... enough to fill a few books, and definitely dozens of threads. Why? Because part of this process is simply leg work. You have to go through partners before finding The One--it's much like vanilla dating... some people get lucky & find the One on the first try... most however end up spending many yrs dating & looking. It's the nature of the beast.