Hi there! I am currently an online slave to my Master. I have to tell you that for us, as far as punishment goes, knowing that I've disappointed him is enough to make a normally pleasurable activity for me, such as spanking, into something that is a true punishment. So, I don't think that withholding something she likes is necessarily the key. I guess for me, it's the mindset and how I feel about disappointing him if you can understand that.

I don't think that every single scene or even D/s relationship has to include punishment and correction. I know that sometimes for Master and I, play is enough and it's what feels right. I think that he would tell you that sometimes you have to play it by ear and really listen to her body language and other cues.

Master always tells me that my pleasure is at his pleasure, meaning that sometimes what he wants to give me is what I want. This is not always the case. Sometimes I want to cum, and he doesn't want to give that to me so I don't get to cum. BUT, there are times when i really want it and he wants me to have it. Maybe this is a little too far for you considering you're just starting out and setting boundaries, etc.... but in our relationship, everything is at his option.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that it's all relative. There is no certain way to play in a BDSM relationship. Everyone has different kinks and different things that turn them on. It's up to you to figure out what she really likes and whether or not you want to give that to her. In the end, it's all about pleasure, for you and for her. As a sub though, your pleasure will probably bring her pleasure!

I don't know if this helped at all, or I'm just rambling. Feel free to kick my butt when I'm not useful! ~giggles~ OOohh... or spank me!