I think you've totally taken the right approach. The secretive stuff will only get you in trouble--you have a woman you love; she should be your mistress. I too, sometimes submit to my boyfriend without him ever knowing it. I get what I need, and no one gets hurt.

As for drawing her in, I think you have to start these things gently. This site is pretty hard core. I wouldn't just give her a link and send her on her way. She'll think you're nuts. But you shouldn't keep it secret, either. Maybe share some stories or images that are particularly arousing to you. But if she doesn't like sexual variety, I don't think there's much here that she'll like.

You also can't hand her a whip and ask her to get to work. As the sub, and as the instigator, you'll have to let her be a little passive, even if that's contrary to your sub tendencies. 100% obedience is a good start--there's nothing worse than someone who wants to be a sub, then says "no" to everything. You might even have to offer her what she wants--a massage, a nice cup of tea, a bath, oral sex.... (a few of my faves!) Pamper her. Spoil her. Sit at her feet and wait on her--it turns you on, and it certainly couldn't turn her off!

Once she's used to that, you can ask her what she wants. For some women, it takes a lot of positive reinforcement for them even to ask for a small favor. If she can say, "Honey, I'd really like a glass of wine," and she knows you'll obey, you're halfway there. Just replace "honey" with "slut-boy" and "glass of wine" with "tongue job!"

Well, easier said than done. She still might not want to take it in the bedroom, and your sexual submission might be limited to the space in your mind, at least for now. I wonder what you mean that you "enjoy sex, but she doesn't believe in variety." Is is really good, in the same position, same night of the week, all the time? Or do you find the sameness of it to be comforting? I can relate to not wanting to change something once you've gotten it "right," but it seems that there's always room to do better.

Good luck. With such a giving spirit, you can't possibly lose!