i don't mean to sound insulting, but it seems more like you're interested in spicing up your love life then charging into this lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with that, it's perfectly acceptable and valid but it might mean going about it differently. There's tons and tons of books and other guides (i'm sure if you searched, you might even find websites) dedicated to this and they're pretty varied in the different types of things that they suggest. Perhaps pick up a book or look for a website that has suggestions that you're both into and start from there. Even if i'm wrong and you are interested in this lifestyle, it might be easier to get your partner to try some new things that are on the vanilla side of things and slowly integrate aspects of BDSM into your life. Once someone is looking at things from a more open POV, it can become easier. Also, if BDSM is really where you want to go, i agree whole-heartedly with Draco, TALK TO YOUR PARTNER. One of the biggest, most important steps in starting and maintaining a BDSM lifestyle is communication. With Draco and i, i've found (and i'm pretty damn sure she'll agree) that our communication with eachother has improved dramatically in all aspects of our relationship because of the openness that is necessary with BDSM. You find that when you open up to your partner about what might be considered 'taboo' interests that it's much easier to talk about other things as well.