Definitley quality.
It is indeed difficult to get to know someone when you spend little time interacting but as you pointed out -- even if you spend every night together what good is it if it's not quality time. I firmly believe that quality is far more important than quantity and really you're the only person that can tell us what kind of time you get to spend with him -- Is the anguish of not getting to spend time with him often enough worth the little bit of time you do get to see him ?
I think we may have talked about this in another thread. I am in a very similar situation -- my Dom and I are in a new relationship and we only get to see each other on average of once a week and a weekend night every few weeks -- and it will be this way till after the holidays. It's really hard to get to know each other in a short time span but so long as you are both invested in the relationship I don't think it's a huge problem. I feel your pain of not hearing from him every day -- he and I go through the same thing and it often turns into frustration for both of us. I'm frustrated because I don't get to talk to him and he's frustrated because I expect to talk every day (he's NOT at all a "phone person"). I think the thing he still doesn't understand is that I don't want a 2 hour long conversation every day I just want to know that he's ok and I want him to know I miss him just incase he forgot So i guess really it's about finding the balance of quality and quantity. I think the hardest thing I've gone through is what you're coming to terms with -- the fear of abandonment. The feelings of well I'm invested, is he? What if he decides he doesn't have enough time and I'm the easiest thing to cut out of his life? What if he decides I'm too much to deal with? Getting past those thoughts and feelings wasn't easy -- it took communicating what i needed and being patient enough to see how invested he was in the way he acts towards me. He doesn't have time for himself half the time so why would he spend time driving 2 hours to see me after work and not getting home till 2 am if I wasn't worth it. Guys are funny like that -- the whole actions speak louder than words, it's true for them.
HA. Well as I said, we're still working on getting through it, and in the mean time I'm making us both plenty crazy. The best advice i can give is to communicate what you're thinking and feeling-- easier said than done, I know, because it feels like you say it over and over and nothing really changes, and you don't want him to think you don't value the time you do have together, and you know he's trying....but..... I understand, trust me. The biggest thing is figure out how much time you need, what you truly need to be satisfied, sane, and happy and tell him, even if it's just telling him you need him to be more understanding and supportive of you guys not getting that time together. If he cares about you he'll want to do what he can to help you and be supportive, he probably just doesn't know what to do. I know i always have a hard time getting "back to reality" the day after I see my Dom, when I realized that I told him, I told him he would help me immensely if he would make sure we talk the next day because I’m generally sad that day realizing how happy I am when we get to see each other and it bugs me the next day that he’s not in my life right now as much as I wish he was. Since I told him, no matter how busy he was the next day he's made time to make the call to make sure I'm ok and let me know he misses me too. It wasn’t hard to tell him what I needed, what’s hard was figuring out what I needed – it sounds like that may be what you’re having a hard time figuring out too.
I know you and I aren’t the only ones going through it – it’s not easy, but people have gotten through it. I wish you luck.