Quote Originally Posted by duktig flicka
Bottom line: If they don't enjoy it, I'm not doing it to them. If I don't enjoy it, it's not getting done to me. That seems to me like the difference between abuse and bdsm, but obviously others don't agree, so I won't pass judgement on those who feel that way.
I suppose that a precondition for punishment is an agreement or even contract between the persons involved, that one submits to the other’s will and instructions in some specific areas beyond topping and bottoming in their erotic play. Or even in the context of a full time D/s relationship. If that precondition is not given, the concept of ‘punishment’ seems nil and void, even absurd, I think? (I am talking about people who are physically together here, not internet relationships.) And even if the D/s aspect of a relationship spills into areas beyond the erotic realm, this does not necessarily mean that one ever punishes the other! I think that people who keep the BDSM aspect of their life strictly inside their playtime have no use for punishments. Or do they? Where is the authority to reward and punish if it has not been given?

Now I am wondering whether formal rewards and punishment would make sense at all for couples who switch regularly?


As has been mentioned above, pseudo-punishment can be invoked as a creative play pretext.

A: ‘Hold them and don’t let a drop of wax fall to the floor.’ Puts candles into B's outstretched hands and lights them.
B: grunts acquiescence behind gag.
A: proceeds to tickle B under arms with feather duster.
B: utterly fails to comply with the no wax drops rule.
A: ‘Miserable creature. Now you will feel my wrath.’
B: smirks and bends over.