My first real post other than an intro
I know that my past history ( some petting type sex abuse from a friends older brother when i was four) caused me to be sexualized early. I struggled for a long time as an adult with coming to terms - not because it was an awful experience but _because i liked it_. Took a therapist reminding me that our bodies are supposed to like sexual activities before i could forgive myself for liking it.
My family was also abusive. Not sexually but my dad was a raging alcoholic and my mom verbally abusive. I grew up defiant(inside) and independent ( the 'i dont need anyone' syndrome). That led to me being the strong one in my relationships. At least the perception was that i was strong - in reality i was just too afraid to let things 'just happen'. So i was actually controlling.
Jungian stuff helped ...as did Transactional Analysis (smiles..as mentioned earlier in the thread)
My D/s relationship has given me a safe place to act out . My Dom is able to love me unconditionally....although sometimes He struggles to know if what i need is a spanking or a cuddle. Problem being that i dont know how to express some feelings...and i'm sure thats left over from childhood. After all if you are trying to please everyone and always be perfect...how can you learn about your own self?
I also was not allowed to express anger as a child. Even now i'm not too good at it.
Thank the gods He's stronger than me lol.
I'm not sure this message is very coherant .... but i sure understand where the original poster is coming from...
kist