There are too many ways to look at it to be able to explain it simply, in one sentence. For me, I need to have some side boards (limits) that allow me to feel comfortable placing myself under my Domme's control. Without them, I would not do it.

But once they have been agreed to (ie I am comfortable giving up my ability to direct and modify the outcome) the turn on is being at her mercy and being controled by her. I at that point have no choice and cannot control the outcome.

As TG said, you can look at it from a variety of perspectives, and may come to different conclusions about who is in control. I may not really know who is controling the situation. I only know what it feels like to me. But I don't really care what outsiders think they know. I know that I am turned on and enjoying the rush of being controled by someone else, and have (for my purposes) no control.

gregor