I can highly recommend ginger root - find it in the grocery store for about $1, usually near the potato and onion baskets. Peel it, carve it into a butt plug shape (with a good fat base so it can't accidentally disappear), smooth it out with a paring knife, rinse. Be careful not to rub your eyes! Insert, bind yourself into whatever contortion suits your fancy at the moment, wait about 2 minutes and start enjoying the torment! Sensation hits maximum intensity after about 15 minutes, then fades. No lasting effects, except a certain sense memory and monumental arousal.