Well, I'm here to tell you it's not.

There is a difference between kinky sex and BDSM. Certainly, kinky sex involves some BDSM elements, like bondage, sadism, and/or masochism, but as a general rule DS, that is domination and submission, have very little to do with sex.

Domination and submission involve mostly mental processes, and very few physical ones. Sure, a dominant can instruct his submissive to do something sexual or something humiliating and she likely will do it, but it is only the instruction and the compliance that are the DS elements. The results can be any of a variety of kinks, or even another act of submission.

DS isn't about being sexual necessarily; it's more about being mental. An instruction is given, or a task is planned, and then the instruction is carried out or the task performed. Those are elements of DS. A person that takes the time to create standards, rules, discipline, and routines is being dominant. A person that enjoys following the rules and accepting the discipline, living within the standards, and performing the routines because it will give that person's partner pleasure and will reflect well on that partner is being submissive.

Some elements of DS can be sexual, yes. A dominant firmly ordering his submissive to give him a blowjob and her complying are certainly dominant and submissive acts, but they are not the only dominant and submissive acts. A submissive that is ordered to fetch her dominant a cup of coffee, to serve it to the dominant on her knees, and then to allow him to use her back as his coffee table is performing a deeper, more mental, and far more subtle form of submission than the submissive that is simply ordered to suck her master. More goes on in the brain when one is made to fetch a hot beverage, not spill it while getting to one's knees, and maintaning the discipline required to hold still enough and the back straight enough not to slosh hot coffee on oneself than does when one is ordered to simply kneel and bob.

DS can occur on many different levels. The act of fetching a cup of coffee, for instance, may seem very mundane to most observers, but to a truly submissive person, it can be a profound act of thought. How does master like his coffee? Is master upstairs? If so I will have to be extra careful not to spill. Will master ask me to serve as his table as well, or will he have another task for me afterward? It is the mark of a challenging and rewarding relationship that the dominant and submissive both can act more in their heads than with their bodies.

After all, what is the benefit to the submissive that has been assigned a domestic chore? Mopping the floor or scrubbing the toilet are mundane, menial tasks, but the submissive will perform them, not so much for the submissive's benefit, but to make things easier for the dominant.

These kinds of activities and actions make up the true nature of a DS relationship; tasks and chores that challenge and use the brain, not the body. Any girl can perform oral sex on her boyfriend, but it takes a truly dedicated submissive with a keen adherance to discipline to serve as a coffee table while master drinks his coffee and reads the newspaper in the morning.

If you want to have a better DS relationship, then think about it.